#like i legit cried on my first play though of moon

[jasperthetiredghostboi]

I love SM and USUM, they are like my second most favorite pokemon game, they bring me so much joy

[princecharmingmendes]

Heart by Heart | Chapter I | Raul Mendes

                                           *secret agent AU*

Y/N and Raul have been friends ever since they could remember. And falling in love with your best friend can be pretty tricky and messy 99% of the times, add that to the fact they're constantly risking their lives side by side on the field since they're both secret agents, and the best team that's ever existed. Perfect recipe for disaster.

Helloo, this is the first chapter of this series and I'm super excited about it. Please read the warnings on this one, if you don't feel comfortable with the contents listed on the "warnings" section, please read something else, there are a lot of other works on my masterlist and on the "fic rec" hashtag on my blog. I plan on posting a chapter weekly, which means new chapter every Thursday (and maybe a sneak peak every monday). Please give me some feedback and I hope you guys like it as much as I did. I'll stop rambling now, byee. Happy Reading!

                                                     masterpost | next chapter

*Word Count: 3.4K+;

*Warnings:  cursing, descriptions of violence, blood, injuries, hostage situation and a whole lot of teasing. Please don’t read it if any of this subjects make you uncomfortable, feel free to check my masterlist for other writings. 

*Posted: July 1st, 2021.

                                                     -*-

Raul Mendes was a pain in the ass. Y/N loves him way too much for her own good, but he was a pain in the nonetheless. 

He was the only person she knew who could be in a possible life-or-death situation and still make fun of her through their communicators. And sure, that made the whole thing lighter and less scary, and sure, he was the best agent she’s ever met, but damn did he get on her nerves. And Raul always knew how to get her frustrated or squirming, he enjoyed it more than he was willing to admit. Sure, they’ve been friends for a long time and she should be used to him, but it never got easier. The fact he had a killer smile, the looks of a legit greek god and had this whole tough guy exterior, but secretly had a soft spot for her did not make her case any less complicated.

Y/N and Raul knew each other ever since they’re basically born. Their parents met when they worked together at a company of secret agents, it was only a small corporation back then, and they were known as the best agents at the time. After they retired from field missions and eventually desk jobs, they became only advisers and emergency contacts. But despite that, they kept their friendship going though all the years and that’s how Y/N was introduced to the triplets. They’re always together, doing everything with each other and protecting themselves. And of course she loved Peter and Shawn with her whole heart, they’re like family to her, but Raul was different. Y/N wished it wasn’t, but there are certain things in life you can’t exactly control. Like falling in love with your best friend.

And it’s not like she stood a chance, to be honest. Regardless of his looks, he treated her like she hung the moon and stars on the sky. Sure, he was a tough guy, who rode motorcycles and wore leather jackets, and wouldn’t admit alive that he cried while watching Lion King. But he took care of her when she was upset or having a bad period, he would take her driving around town at midnight on random occasions just because he knew it would make her feel better, and would always be so mindful of everything involving her. And yeah, he teased her endlessly, but it was part of it and in reality, Y/N didn’t mind it that much. 

So when they started growing older and decided to follow their parents career, it only made sense they trained their asses off and got the job together. The company their parents worked for grew a lot, a team that was originally formed by 15 agents turned into a massive business, with over 100 employees, doing various functions. Shawn was picked for a more diplomatic field, always in meetings with important people and traveling around the world. Peter became a tech engineer, developing the coolest gadgets and weapons imaginable, something out of Totally Spies! Raul was clearly a field agent, an expert on body combat and weapons, best out of the four when it came to their physical test. And Y/N was the one who guided the operations, the hacker and responsible for strategies, also for the tech part and best sniper out of the three of them. 

That made her and Raul an unbeatable team and the best duo ever. Their chemistry on the field was recognized by their bosses on the first week, basically glueing them together for every future mission and it worked. For the company. But it only dug her little crush deeper on Y/N’s heart. And obviously no one knew it. She was a spy for fucks sake, she knew how to lie and she wasn’t going to be the one to tell him. Raul didn’t date, working on this field made  everyone’s love life a bit harder than it was already, and he never seemed interested enough in anyone with the same career to have a long lasting relationship with. That didn’t mean there where a lot of people interested, which made Y/N’s heart twist in her chest. 

“Sweetheart, you still with me?” Raul’s voice came through her earpiece bringing her back to reality.

“Of course I am, you idiot, I take this job really seriously” Y/N replied rolling her eyes as if she didn’t just daydreamed a bit. 

“Oh sorry, doll, didn’t mean to insult you hard working” he chuckled “but could you please check in the corridor number 6, half the team is heading down there right now”

“Sure” she quickly typed on her computer changing cameras really quickly, perks of being Peter’s best friend is that she could usually take extra stuff and the newest gadgets on the market “It’s clear and, by the way, you look pathetic with this glasses”

Raul laughed clearly amused, throwing his middle finger up in the air in the direction of the security camera he found “Oh really? Tell that to Peter, he’s the one who created them” 

“Technically their still a prototype, so make sure to let him know”

Raul scoffed playfully as he climbed another set of stairs, the man and woman with him following without questioning, used to his ways of leading “Of course, I’m sure he’ll like to hear your fashion critiques to his million dollar glasses”

“I’ll write it down, now careful, you’re approaching the level where they’re at”

“Sure, mom, I’m always careful” he said in a hushed tone signaling to his teammates to keep quiet and try to find the possible security team they left to watch the hostage.

“Shut up” Y/N said trying to hold back the smile from stretching her lips, already letting the airway team know to be ready to pick them up as they approached their target. 

They’re currently in the middle of a mission where they needed to recover another agent who got caught up in an ambush two weeks ago, and now they’re being kept as a hostage. Raul’s leading a team to retrieve the agent as quickly and as silently as they could, two with him and three other on the opposite side to meet halfway. All that while Y/N’s on the under construction building across the street seated among her gear, gun in hand following their every step and guiding them through the camera system and the big windows that other building had. It’s not the worst mission they’ve ever been, no apparent violence or blood bath, just a simple rescue mission, but they still felt a little jittery and always worried about each other’s lives. And through the years, they noticed that their copying mechanism to make this less stressful (at least a tiny bit) was through light banter and jokes. That somehow brought a bit of normality to their very non ordinary job. 

Y/N did her best to keep them hidden while they crashed into the building as quietly as possible, trying go unnoticeable since they didn’t have enough munition or people on the tactic team. It would also prevent them from moving the target around or opening fire. And despite the fact Raul kept on trying to joke around and that she’s been doing this for at least four years, the fact that they’re working with a less experienced and fresh out of the academy crew made her a little jittery. Not that she didn’t trust Raul to command everything and boss everyone around if things got messy, she just didn’t want him to get in the middle of a crossfire again. 

He had the terrible habit of playing the hero in the most inconvenient times, like when they were little and a guy twice his size, with three friends mocked her pigtails. He didn’t stand a chance, but he went after them anyway. They ended up having to run as fast as they could so they wouldn’t end up with a black eye or something. And that was nothing compared to the stupid shit he could do on field. And Y/N couldn’t be more pissed whenever he came home with more bruises then he should just to play Superman or something. Sure, that was admirable and the fact that he put everyone on his team on his top priority was definitely something fantastic for a captain, but not for Y/N’s heart. 

And for that reason, she was always extra careful, but when he had a newbie joining him on the field, Y/N tripled the attention to avoid putting the kid in danger, and, consequently her best friend. 

Raul was quick to take down two man on their level without raising much alarm, grabbing their munition, dragging the unconscious bodies away from where they’d be easily seen and moving forward to another set of stairs. He was a very skillful agent, with great physical development and worked great under pressure, with quick thinking and a natural leader. So it didn’t shock her when he was able to do that as if it was the most natural thing in the planet. While Raul was more of a passionate person, Y/N was more rational, was analyzing every possibility and coming up with creative solution, she was also really cold on work (she just had one exception) and was a quick thinker, great person to rely on. It’s almost as if the complimented each other and that’s why it worked. That’s why when she tells him to shoot, he does without thinking, or to jump, he wouldn’t blink before doing it head first. 

And that’s why they’re able to reach the hostage without much trouble. 

“Told you to chill out, I knew we could make it” he murmured through their coms and she giggled, shaking her head incredulously.

“You should watch the entrances while your teammates take care of the hostage”

“That’s why I have you, sweetheart” he said with his infamous smirk stretching his annoyingly pink lips.

Y/N shook her head when she felt her face warming up a bit, stupid boy “Well, actually I’m pretty busy calling for our ride, so watch your own back this time, you’re a big boy, I’m sure you can do it”

Raul scoffed but did as she say either way “fine, are we clear?”

“On your floor yes, climb three more levels and meet me on this side of the street, don’t stall champ, they’re going to notice there’s something wrong with the cameras and their man who aren’t responding, so be quick”

Raul chuckled as he helped balance the hostage on Roman’s arms and signaling them to climb the stairs again “Yes, ma’am, anything to keep you from frowning and scolding my ass”

Y/N rolled her eyes smiling, sighing in relief that half of their mission was done and it went as smoothly as it could have been “Great, now get your ass out of there now, Raul” 

The tactic team started moving to the floor they’d have access to jump, and everything was going too smoothly to be true, not even a minor inconvenience. And that was not normal, at all. That’s when Y/N started getting worried. 

Everything was great until Seth, from loosing a lot of blood and being severely dehydrated, started loosing his conscious, making Roman’s job a lot more complicated and making everyone move slower. And while that was happening, Y/N saw when one of the guys saw his partners laying limply on the corner of a hallway and finally the pieces clicked. Luckily she was able to caught it quickly enough to be able to mess up their coms, so instead of a dozen men, they’d have to deal with two. She was also quick to let Raul know, so he jumped into action, telling everyone to rush and grabbing Seth’s right side, basically carrying him alongside Roman up the stairwell. 

But as they’re almost reaching the door, Raul heard footsteps rather close, rushing Roman up the rest of the way, warning he’d be right behind him, that he was only to be a bit far back so he could hold whoever was coming. 

He ran downstairs, quickly blocking the door to the staircase with a fire extinguisher, running all the way upstairs to reach his teammates and jump to go home. But as he had just reached the door, his colleagues waiting for him with their gear (and also his) ready to cross to the other building, he felt the barrel of a gun touching the back of his head. Raul raised his hands in surrender, his teammates staring at him with horror in their eyes as they aimed their guns to whoever was behind him, but he knew they couldn’t do much before he got shot. He also knew they’re too young, apart from Roman and Cara, who were both holding Seth up, they weren’t experienced enough to do something like that. But before the person could pull the trigger, they grunted in pain and Raul felt the barrel slipping away. 

He turned around to watch the guy on his back in the floor, clutching to his left ribs, a little pool of blood already forming underneath him and gun long forgotten. Raul looked around to see if it was anyone from this guy’s side or anyone on the stairs, only to be met with silence and a single security camera with the green dot on, meaning Y/N was still in their system. He shook his head in disbelief, dragging the whining man outside of the room, quacking his gun down the stairs and managing to lock the door so they could escape safely. 

“Still with me, baby?” Y/N’s voice teased mimicking the way he said it earlier. 

Raul shook his head with a smirk on his lips, before moving to where his teammates stood still a bit shocked with all that happened in front of them “Wouldn’t dream of leaving you, sweetheart”

“Alright boys, the helicopters are coming for us, meet you all on the roof in three” Y/N said through the coms for the whole team, quickly shifting to a line only the captain, Raul, could hear “and if you dare be late just to make a big entrance or another dramatic scheme you can think about, I swear to God I’ll leave you behind”

“You wouldn’t dare”

“Try me” Y/N sing sang picking up her stuff and quickly shoving them down in her backpack, gathering the rest in her hands before turning around to climb to the rooftop. 

As she climbed the last set of stairs, Y/N saw their helicopters approaching as the seven agents she was waiting for used a special gun to shoot a line to her building, before locking them in place before zip-lining their way to meet her. She helped Seth, the agent that was kept hostage climb up the little wall since he was in a pretty bad shape, throwing his arm across her shoulders and basically dragging him to where they thrown the stair to climb up to the helicopter with the medical team waiting for him. Cara and Roman climbed first since they’re going to report what they saw and assist Seth as best as they could. Roman grabbed him and the rope stair, shouting to pull them up so he could be taken care of. 

Raul was the last one to arrive, as always staying behind to insure everyone got there safely and no one would try to kill them or anything. He graciously climbed the all as if it was nothing, pulling the gun from the string and cutting it so no one could follow them up there that quickly. Raul told everyone to climb onto the helicopter and they’re quick to follow his order, only one person stubbornly waiting for him, as always. He held back the relieved smile from stretching across his features, noticing how warm and relaxed he felt only by seeing Y/N standing besides the hope ladder. She looked worried, a frown on her beautiful face and Raul wanted to smooth his fingers over it as if it would ease all of her troubles away.

She nodded as soon as he was close enough, Raul being quick to pick up the heavy backpack she was carrying and leaving the rest to her “Are you okay?”

“What? Of course, Why do you ask?” he knew why she was asking, hell, his heartbeat was still a bit too fast to be normal, and yeah, partially was because he was standing in front of Y/N, but on the other hand he almost got killed. She only arched her brow at him and he sighed in defeat “Of course I am, doll, you know me, I’m always okay” 

“That’s what’s scares me the most” she said with a sad chuckle and started climbing the rope ladder to the helicopter and Raul was quick to follow behind.

“Dude, that was insane, I can’t believe you didn’t miss or accidentally shot Raul from across the street!” the youngest guy from the mission shouted as soon as they reached them on the vehicle, Raul closing the door behind them. 

Y/N only giggled in response “yeah, a bit crazy, isn’t it?”

“That’s because she’s the best, Tommy, but she won’t believe it” Raul said as he sat on one of the vacant seats, waiting for her to join him. 

“Oh shut it” she said unable to stop the smile from forming.

They kept on talking about the mission for a while, Tommy and the other two kids who recently joined still high from the adrenaline, but Y/N couldn’t be more worn out and Raul was quick to catch it. He leaned closer to her and she automatically laid her head on his shoulder, a movement that was almost mechanic to both of them. He gently grabbed her hand that was placed on her knee and interlaced their fingers together, letting her play with his hand to pass the time. 

Y/N sighed and mumbled after a while, when most of the kids were too distracted to pay attention “Are you really okay? Don’t say that you’re always fine, I mean it”

Raul had mastered the art of the poker face. He could easily be having the worst time of his life, but he would never let it showcase always with a quick sarcastic remark and an easy smirk on his lips, ready to flirt with anyone to distract them from the real problem. Raul was not the best when dealing with feelings and emotions, always thought it was easier to push them away, but Y/N saw right through him. She always did, ever since they were little. After that, he never tried to hide it again from her, always being as honest as he could with her about how he was, and obviously it didn’t always work, but she understood and respected it. It’s not like he needed to say anything for her to know. 

But at the same time, she didn’t know that he would always be fine, as long as she was safe and right next to him, the rest didn’t matter. 

“I promise you I’m fine, you saved my beautiful ass and we’re going home, I’d say we’re fantastic” he said after a while, pressing a long kiss to the back of their laced hands. 

That seemed to be enough to convince Y/N, since she huffed through her nose and let out a tiny giggle, before leaning closer to him and Raul took it as a sign to drape his arm over her shoulder pulling her closer to his chest “your beautiful ass is really annoying, you know that, right?”

“Oh, I do, but you love it anyway” he said with a giggle, pressing a kiss to the crown of her head, as she just showed him her middle finger, making him laugh even more. 

Yeah, he was definitely fine. For now. 

                                                     -*-

*Please reblog or like this post if you liked it so I’ll know.

*I’m sorry if there are any spelling mistakes.

*Please do not repost this without giving me the credit, this is a completely original piece and I do not give permission to copy this!

*Hope you guys enjoyed it!

*xoxo

-🌙

[army-of-mai-lovers]

ATLA fic recs pt 3!

part 1 part 2 (again, consider this a re-rec of everything I recced in those parts, those were all brilliant fics! I have really good taste y’all) 

This is for Spotlight Saturday (which I didn’t even know was a thing oh my goodness that’s so cool) and also bc I passed two milestones since making the last one of these! thank you! I don’t know why you’re here but I’m so glad you are! <3 <3 <3 <3 also, a gentle reminder that I love so, so many more fics than appear on these lists, and there are even more fics that I’m simply not exposed to. if you want to send me your work or the work of people you really like, please do so! (G or T only, please)

1. Hooked by @listless-brainrot I know List writes fic specifically to cause me pain but I cannot tell you how much serotonin I got when I found out during the Great Jetru Summer Storm of 2020 that somebody had a) already made content and b) that content was literally incredible. Like not only does List have impeccable taste and an impressive amount of patience he’s also a really good writer??? To be perfectly honest I sometimes turn my brain off a little when I read fic, but List makes me sit up and pay attention to his writing and the way he’s writing. I think the framing device here with Haru telling this story to the gaang at the Western Air Temple is so interesting (and it makes me so scared list dude please tell me that doesn’t mean what I think it means you can’t-) and Jet and Haru’s burgeoning friendship/relationship? has been handled with such care and with such depth. I am absolutely obsessed with how he characterizes Haru in particular. Haru, being such a minor character, normally doesn’t get any kind of characterization, but List really said not only is Haru going to be the pov character of this fic, I am going to create an environment that gives him so much nuance. We really have no choice to stan. 

2. and the stars, they too, tell of spring by @katarahairloopies when I first read this fic I went absolutely feral, as I am wont to do with Kit’s fics and with yueki content in general. It’s just so personal. And like not in the queer eye meme way (although,,,,yes) but to me it’s very clear that the author has spent time in the situation they’re describing, in one way or another, and took a lot of care in rendering that situation to the absolute fullest of their ability. It’s one of those fics that has just stayed with me even though I read it a while ago, like I can still picture the situation, the way they described it, the way I felt reading it. Simply iconic. Simply iconic. I wish every atla fic writer would have the kind of care and patience with Yue and Suki’s characters in their long af fics that Kit does in a really short and pointed piece of work. 

3. i like my girls just like i like my honey by @lazypigeon I am....obsessed with this???? I love it??? It is totally gorgeous. I’m a sucker for ship fics that also explore friendships and the whole friendship between Sokka and Yue was just so queer and so utterly perfect. The jokes about their neighbors thinking they were married...the background zukka...the dresses....I loved it all so much. It really brought a smile to my face to read some fluff about two friends going outside to hang out with one another, like can you imagine??? wild. And then we meet Suki who is a farmer at the farmer’s market that Sokka and Yue go to and y’all pls tell me why farmer’s market aus aren’t a bigger thing because the idea of Suki being a farmer and asking Yue to go sample strawberries with her was just???? so cute????? like go off that’s absolutely iconic again we have no choice but to stan! And Sokka was absolutely hilarious when he was trying to wingman for Yue it was so funny and cute. also bonus for the title it was simply *chef’s kiss*

4. the anchor by @firelordemai one of my fave Maiko fics to date. Both POVs were on point but there was just something extra about that Mai POV it was gripping. I could not tear my eyes away from the screen reading this. I love love loved so much how the rock stood for their love for one another and how Zuko kept it, the whole way through, just utter and complete perfection I’m getting emotional just thinking about it oh my goodness. Legit it’s been a minute since I read the fic I’m just sitting here thinking about the use of language and how their relationship progressed and I am crying!!! I am crying!!! just. the talent. the talent! your fave could never! I am just obsessed with how the author chronicled them growing up and the challenges they faced as teenagers and the way they were driven apart and came back together again and my heart was on the floor in pieces when Zuko left it was just. oh my goodness. read this. 

5. time for the moon night by @kahtara ok storytime: when that ask game where you tell the author your favorite fic of theirs went around I hit up Joey and said that it was between laughter lines (which I have recced before peep part 2) and icarus, point to the sun and that I was planning on reading time for moon night but I just didn’t know if I had the emotional strength to do it and they said it’s less sad than laughter lines so I was like all right chill I’ll read it and NO, NO IT WAS NOT LESS SAD THAN LAUGHTER LINES, IT WAS, PERHAPS, MORE SAD THAN LAUGHTER LINES. in all seriousness, time for the moon night is my new favorite fic of theirs. the way they write yukka in general is just so full of nuance and emotion, they really flesh out both Sokka and Yue’s characters so well and in such a careful and precise manner and I really love it. The way time is bent throughout this whole fic is just so amazing. this kind of gorgeous, thoughtful writing that isn’t shy to really get at the depths is the reason I love fanfiction. this is why I care! ao3 is FREE. and yet you can get writing of that quality and substance?????? i’m floored honestly. 

6. if you ran away (come back home) by @shrinkthisviolet I want to spotlight one line in particular. “She wondered how long it would take him to notice the weak spot on the dummy’s left side.” That is so Mai. That is so Mai. The author did such a wonderful job capturing Mai’s situation and her perspective on it, but that line prepared me for an absolutely wonderful character study of Mai and look into her situation before and after the Agni Kai. I’m honestly so floored at how the author was able to portray such an intimate character study that so in character and so well thought out. Mai stans, come get y’alls juice. This one is also really sad and I cried a little (me crying at ATLA fanfiction is exactly as common of an occurrence as you think it is.) What was particularly heartbreaking to me was the way that the author showed how, even as a kid, Mai was driven to suppress her feelings and play to her best political interests. She’s just a kid! She’s just a little baby!!!!!!! I’m heartbroken, and I’m at a loss for words, quite frankly. I want Mai to have the whole world. gosh anyway this author is so incredible and I’m so so excited to read more of her work, because this was just stunning and deserves an incredible amount of praise. 

[ofmythsandmadness]

MY THOUGHTS ON TUA SEASON TWO: PART ONE (spoilers)

So...I finished season two. And I’ve got a lot of thoughts.

I’m putting ALL my thoughts under the tab so please, don’t click unless you’ve seen it all, and/or you just....like don’t care about spoilers? But please if you’ve not watched it, watch it first ‘cause it deserves all the hype and attention. 

(if you haven’t watched yet, go into your settings and blacklist the tag ‘tua spoilers’ because that’ll help you avoid anything if you don’t want to be spoiled, at least on here)

Also, this is part one to my thoughts, because it’d be much too long to list it all here! Part two will be linked below this :)

This is going to be SO badly organized, but I’m gonna do my best to make it otherwise! I’m separating it all under sub-headers, just so you don’t have to read through ALL my thoughts on the series (but there’s a lot, sorry).

I legit just watched it all last night, so it’s fresh but also still jumbled and messy. So bear with me.

Also, let me know what you thought, I’m eager to hear others’ opinions of this show!

AS A WHOLE... So, so, SO damn good. I was scared, and worried and I thought there was gonna be a lot more pain...but it was so good. Arguably better than the first season, I think because the characters are fleshed out and have developed more, and I felt myself caring more for their wellbeings (even though I would have already died for most of them).

Honestly, no. This season WAs better than the first and I’m gonna stick with that.

I also really loved the colour scheme of it all?? I think they did that really well the first season too, but the colour choices and how they alternated between blue and orange, it keeps your attention and adds a vibrance to the characters that was there before but not so loudly.

I want to watch it again and admire how they shot/edited it too, because I actually really was impressed with the shots too (normally Netflix shows aren’t super cinematography-heavy, don’t know if that’s how to say that, but TUA really came through and I’m impressed). I don’t want to drone on about that because i know most don’t care about that as much, so I’ll leave it at just...I was impressed, and most happy with the overall presentation of the show.

LUTHER HARGREEVES...

The way i actually now love him?? 

I mean I felt bad for him in S1, but here he’s an actual character and I cared about HIM, rather than what he had gone through. From the moment he said ‘I don’t give a shit’ in episode one, I liked him again and I’m SO glad. 

I didn’t really love how he still pushed for him and Allison...I mean, I understand that you can’t just erase the feelings, they still stand, but I would have liked a little bit less of it. It’s just awkward to watch and to contrast with Klaus literally calling them out, I appreciate that it wasn’t so prevalent but it was still there. 

But overall!! He became a character I actually really liked, he was actually funny too?? Dorky too, and also just more sure of who he was as a person rather than the number...Luther rights.

DIEGO HARGREEVES...

One word: BIIIITCH.

He was one of my favourites from the show pre-S2, and now I can say he might just be my favourite. I would fight fire for that man.

I didn’t think he’d be almost the main character of this show (obviously one of them, because they’re all main characters ig) but I liked it a lot! We really got nothing about who he is as a person in Season One, and though a lot of people were able to fill in the emotional blanks, there was a lot more given to his character and who he is beneath the hard-headed vigilante.

I think David Casteneda did a brilliant job on his character, and had one of the best performances out of all of them. I knew he was good, but I truly was shocked at how good he did as Diego, and I’m happy to see him as an actor thrive and get more credit. He deserves it, and I’m quite happy. 

Surprisingly, he was the character to make me cry (I cried at Ben too, don’t worry, but!). When Reginald said that shit to him, I was in fucking pain. I won’t get too deep into it, but just the way his face dropped, and then the stutter - it struck a cord and I cried more at that then I did the rest of the show. Dunno. Maybe that’s just me.

But just like...I wish he had more support...everyone just kept calling him dumb and mocking him and I KNOW his obsession with JFK was dumb and aligned with the Luther moon thing and he didn’t have the greatest plans and I’m not saying all of his actions were right, but he was fucking TRYING. And some of it, they played it off for comedic effect but they were literally just trashing on him for doing the right thing and making him look stupid...it made me a little sad.

I am glad, however, at how he rekindled with all his siblings. Because arguably, Diego was an asshole to all of them and though again, arguably they all were and none of them are doing well and there are reasons - they were all assholes to each other, and especially him to them, especially Vanya when she really didn’t deserve it. And to see them at least begin to mend their relationship made me so happy. The way that in the end, they sat together?? And how he accepted her apology just like that?? I sob.

The scene where diego just says ‘there’s this girl I like - I CRACKED UP AND I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHY IT’S SO FUNNY BUT JFC THAT WAS SO FUNNY. That and threatening Olga - top tier funniest moments of the season for  me. They really amped up the comedy this season and I’m happy.

One thing I didn’t get was in the last episode, when he bent the bullets’ trajectory for Five...did he know he could do that? Like I understand that he could do it, but we never saw him do anything else around those lines, aside from in the doomsday season ep1, but that was an alternate history so...I’m guessing Reginald taught him, but??? It was kinda random and I would have liked if they hinted at it at least once before.

To summarize, I love him. I love how far he’s come and I hope he just finds some happiness because he keeps getting the short end of the stick. He deserves the world.

(also, diego hargreeves a huge ass nerd. y’all can’t convince me otherwise. big dork energy)

LILA PITTS/DIEGO & LILA:

You know what? I loved her.

I didn’t like her character as much post maybe episode 6/7, basically once she brought Diego in I was disappointed but I liked her character. I think she was cool and different and chaotic and though I was disappointed that towards the end, she felt a bit thrown in, I still appreciated who she was. I was honestly hoping that she would have left the Handler a lot sooner, I thought they were gonna make her realise the truth a lot sooner but at the same time...this is her maternal figure, she’s been basically brainwashed into that support and there’s gonna be an element of love regardless.

I knew she was gonna be one of the 43 though, the second I saw 1993 I called it and I was happy I was actually right on something. Idk her powers, that too seems a lil bit messy but still, I thought it was neat. I just want to see more! And I think we will, hence why I’m trying not to judge her much, but i hope that we get to know more about her. I don’t want a half-baked love interest, and I was hoping that there was going to be a little bit more this season - but we shall see.

(ritu arya, though, is quite good in her role. and stunning. i quite love her)

I also didn’t HATE the relationship between her and Diego. I know it’s a divided topic but I liked it, I thought they were fucking cute and even though i KNEW there was something off about her, I was just HOPING that it’d be different. I mean, that scene on the bed with them???? I think my heart gave out. Palpitations, bitch. I was so fucking soft for them and even when she was exposed....I stillllllllll wanted the best. :(

And then like shit happened and then it got a little messy (y’all should learn how to communicate...throwing out boyfriend and ex-girlfriend terms like that???) and like yada yada, I was okay but I don’t necessarily like the ‘I love him/her’ thing. I mean sure you can, but THAT felt a little quick. I don’t know why tv shows just LOVE to throw out the I love you’s that FAST, but I’m not into it. 

TL;DR - I still REALLY like Lila Pitts, and I still like them together, somewhat (though like maybe slow your asses down folks).

(question though...are we supposed to think of them as siblings now?? bc...idk I don’t see it like luther/allison because they weren’t raised together and really didn’t associate like that?? but are they all reginald’s alien children cause in THAT case wtf am I suppose to think help-)

PART TWO TO MY THOUGHTS: here.

[hiccanna-tidbits]

Hiccanna--100 OTP Questions, Part 2

So I said I would finish this OTP question meme someday--and I decided, entirely on random impulse, that “someday” is today!!! My Hiccanna-centered account has not been producing enough Hiccanna content lately, and this simply WILL not do.

QUESTION SOURCE: https://the-moon-dust-writings.tumblr.com/post/159857601812/100-otp-questions

LINK TO PART 1: https://hiccanna-tidbits.tumblr.com/post/635744326176129024/hiccanna-100-otp-questions-meme-part-1 51. Does either of them know how to fight? I mean...canonically yeah, they both do??? Lol I mean Hiccup has his fire sword and obviously would know how to fight with the weapons he makes/invents, and Anna literally just instinctively grabs a sword to protect her buddies in Frozen 2 and I mean we all really love Sword Anna anyways and also she PUNCHES A MAN OFF OF A BOAT so long story short yes they can both fight 52. What do they do for Valentines Day? Anna rents a rom-com and pulls Hiccup down onto their couch to watch it with her, and he kinda internally groans because he figures it’ll be something super sappy and cheesy and Anna will just be squealing with delight the whole time. Legit as soon as the first scene begins, Anna begins brutally roasting the main couple. Turns out it’s a really terrible rom-com and Anna rented it solely to make fun of it. Hiccup is like “aight this definitely wasn’t what I was expecting but I’m on board” Also Hiccup gets Anna like 3 boxes of fancy chocolate because...do I really need to explain? Anna gets Hiccup a particularly aesthetic floral arrangement for their kitchen table, something she knows damn well he secretly likes but would never admit XD 53. Who swears more? Anna, for sure. This tends to surprise people, but Anna is actually a notorious pottymouth when she gets comfortable XD Hiccup has a pretty big and borderline pretentious vocabulary, and so he tends to express his frustration in more...articulate ways when things don’t go his way. Like he’d stub his toe and just say “wow, I’d literally rather saw off my other leg than have to deal with this right now” while Anna, in the same situation, would let loose every curse word known to man XD 54. Who has the better comebacks? Hiccup, absolutely. His smart-ass comments to every conceivable situation on earth go absolutely unmatched. Anna can’t help but envy how he can almost instinctually pull out a near-perfect snide remark within seconds, whilst she, at best, thinks of the ideal comeback in the shower 3 days later. 55. Who would start a fight with another parent at a bake sale? I feel like Anna would seek out the most passive-aggressive, bitchy, entitled Karen and just wait with barely-concealed anticipation for her to say something super awful so Anna can just nail her in the face right in front of all the other moms Hiccup and their kids, meanwhile, can’t help but be awed at their wife/mother’s impressive Right Hook 56. Who reads buzzfeed? Anna. Hiccup keeps being like “you know half the stuff on there is total bullshit, right?” and Anna just shrugs like “who cares? It’s entertaining!” 57. Who is the hopeless romantic? Anna, good god, ANNA. After the whole Hans debacle I imagine she’s a bit more subdued about so openly showing this part of her personality, but at heart she just can’t stop being a romantic. Once Hiccup catches wind of this, he naturally makes a point of frequently surprising her with Grand Romantic Gestures and such, which makes Anna’s entire face go bright fuckin red as she cries out “NO STOP WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS YOU’RE TOO NICE” 58. Do either of them know how to do a handstand? Nope! They’d both fall on their faces and it would be hilarious. 59. Who can rap better? I love the idea of them both being looped into a rap battle somehow and Anna just dreading it immensely because she figures they both really suck and then when it’s their turn Hiccup comes out and busts out the BEST, MOST SAVAGE RHYMES Anna has ever heard COMPLETELY ad lib and the poor girl just goes completely catatonic with shock for like 10 minutes. 60. Do either of them want to go sky diving? See initially I was gonna say Hiccup definitely would not because it would give the poor boy an anxiety attack, but then I remembered he basically skydives in canon??? And Anna strikes me as a bit of adrenaline junkie too, so fuck it--yeah, I think they’d both enjoy it. 61. What do they usually text about? They talk a lot about movies, games, books, and shows they both like, I imagine--Hiccup especially likes to overanalyze them to ridiculous extents and Anna thinks this is adorable. The rest of the time, they send each other dumb memes and talk about random animal fun facts. Anna likes to brag that her boyfriend knows more lizard trivia than anyone else on the planet, and how many lizard facts does YOUR boyfriend know? Probably little to none, you big loser. 62. Who is the dramatic one? Anna is INCREDIBLY dramatic. Although Hiccup certainly does have a “dramatic flair,” as he puts it, I still think Anna can out-dramatic him, at the end of the day XD Although perhaps admittedly not by much. 63. Is either one confrontational? Anna certainly can be. She’s usually pretty friendly, but if she ever feels like she’s being challenged, demeaned, mocked, or generally not taken seriously, she’s ready to go to WAR. She certainly not as soft as she might look! I imagine there’s situations where someone is being a dick to either Anna or someone else and Hiccup has to physically hold her back to keep her from just decking them XD 64. What is their favourite cuddle position? Probably just good old-fashioned spooning. Hiccup actually really loves being the little spoon (because Anna just makes him feel so damn safe), but he is loathe to admit it. They also have one I like to call the “Needy Cat,” where Anna just goes and completely drapes herself over Hiccup when he’s sitting on the couch. He’s usually in the middle of doing something else, and is forced to find ways to play video games/read his book/watch his show around Anna XD 65. Who are their favourite musical artist(s)? Hiccup has exactly 3 music moods--pretentious classical stuff (to listen to while working on inventions), obscure underground 90s hipster bands no one’s heard of (to play air guitar to when no one else is home), and some more well-known emo/alt rock stuff (to sing along to in the car dramatically). I can see him liking Panic! at the Disco, The Killers, Fall Out Boy, Linkin Park, that kinda stuff. Anna, meanwhile, likes the trashiest, most generic-sounding pop music and refuses to apologize for dancing to it in the car XD She is most DEFINITELY a Swiftie, no question. She also likes some “edgier” bands like Paramore and Hey Monday. She went through a hardcore Avril Lavigne phase in middle school and she still totally listens to her but is embarrassed to say it. Also I feel like Anna would be into 90s/early 2000s boy bands??? She relates to the boys’ endless pining and just flips the genders in her head so the songs are about Hiccup (before they start dating obs) XD I AM DEFINITELY NOT SPEAKING FROM EXPERIENCE HERE, NO SIR 66. What are their parenting styles? Anna would probably be like...kind of stern, when she needs to be, but intensely nurturing as well, if her relationship with Elsa is anything to go by. Hiccup would be a pretty laid-back, chill dad who would probably try too hard to be cool and make no end of absolutely horrible dad jokes XD They both lowkey seem like the kind of parents who would end up letting their kids get away with a lot though lmao 67. Who would be the more laid back one? Hiccup probably. I mean, he IS the pacifist/diplomat guy, besides have you MET Anna??? Girl absolutely has NO chill. 68. Who listens to more vulgar music? Anna, surprisingly! Hiccup just kinda enjoys what he enjoys and doesn’t really feel the need to “prove” anything by listening to songs that swear a lot. Anna purposely listens to vulgar music to feed her hidden rebellious side and because it makes her feel badass XD She honestly kinda hates being written off as 100% wholesome and innocent all the time and will readily pull out the “I’M NOT A SWEET LITTLE FLOWER I SANG ALONG TO THAT SONG THAT JUST SAID FUCK SEE” line whenever given even the slightest chance XD 69. Do either of them have secrets even the other doesn’t know? Kind of depends on when in both their timelines they meet. If they meet in the middle of HTTYD 1 or Frozen 1, they probably wouldn’t tell the other right away that they have a dragon and an ice-powered supersister, respectively XD I definitely think they would as they came to trust each other, though. Also I read a headcanon that Hiccup has burn scars from the Red Death incident where he lost his leg, and that’s why he wears so much armor and generally long sleeves--and I kind of love that. So maybe Hiccup would be cagey with Anna about how he lost his leg and that whole incident for a while before he finally opens up to her about it. Other than that I feel like they’d be pretty honest with one another, other than maybe trying to hide the more embarrassing parts of themselves to impress the other person XD 70. Who is their go to couple for a double date? Jackunzel, obviously! They’d probably all go to an arcade or an amusement park or something else pretty fun and high-energy. 71. Do they tip the waiter/waitress on their date? I mean yes, they’re not huge assholes????? 72. How do they work out a fight? I imagine Anna tends to get more worked up and yelley and loud, while Hiccup doesn’t raise his voice much at all but can say some damn cutting things if he wants to. Since Anna probably gets angrier, I imagine she apologizes first, whether or not the fight was actually on her or not--it’s just kinda this girl’s default to apologize for everything XD She’d probably say sorry for yelling and probably overreacting, while Hiccup would also be EXTREMELY apologetic if he realized he crossed a line with one of his jabs at her. I imagine a lot of what they fight about is Anna doing some impulsive Dumb Shit^TM and Hiccup just being like “oh god DAMMIT that’s DANGEROUS you can’t just go WORRYING me like that!!!” and Anna getting offended because she kinda views this as him being a little overprotective and not trusting her to make her own decisions. Ironically, Anna occasionally also gets mad at HICCUP for doing Impulsive Dumb Shit, so he’s not always nearly as much the Voice of Reason as he thinks XD Hiccup also sometimes gets mad at Anna for not taking better care of herself (take it from a fellow ADHDer--we tend to Wallow in Despair sometimes, or straight-up forget to do basic care things like eat lunch XD)--I have an IRL friend who reminds me a lot of Hiccup and he’s ALWAYS getting on my case about not eating enough, not drinking enough water, constantly berating myself, stuff like that. I imagine Hiccup sometimes slips into Mom Mode with Anna when she gets in a bad spot, which she appreciates after the fact but kind of annoys her at the time because she wants really badly to be independent and all that. Basically TL;DR most of Anna and Hiccup’s fights can be resolved by Anna and Hiccup agreeing to next time Use A Brain Cell before they do a thing, or Anna agreeing to take better care of herself XD 73. Who brings home an illegal pet? In literally every AU possible I like to think that Hiccup brings home some variation of illegal pet XD I mean, it’s probably just a dragon (”just a dragon” is never a string of words I imagined myself using in that order like what do you mean JUST a dragon lmao) in a standard crossover timeline, which he basically does in canon, but I do love the idea of a modern AU Hiccup showing up to their apartment with some kind of weird exotic monitor lizard from Bali and being like “I found him in an alley, he’s gonna live with us now” and Anna is like “D: Is someone gonna arrest you???” And Hiccup is like “Nah, no cops followed me home” and Anna’s like “Okay!!! :D” and then goes to PetSmart to buy a big fluffy bed for her new scaled friend XD 74. What side of the bed do each of them sleep on? I honestly don’t think either would care much, and they usually sleep in a tangled-up mess anyways so by morning you can’t really tell who started on which side XD 75. What is their favorite photo of them two together? One from before they got together: I’m just imagining a big group photo with the Entire Squad (Rapunzel, Jack, Merida, Moana, etc.), and Anna has her arms laced around Hiccup’s neck and her chin on his shoulder and a GIANT smirk on her face. Meanwhile Hiccup is laughing and trying to push her off, but his cheeks are BRIGHT fucking red and he’s trying really unsuccessfully to hide it because he’s a pale boi. Anna loves it because you can so CLEARLY see Hiccup’s blush, and she loves to tease him about how flustered he got around her. Hiccup loves it because it reminds him of what was probably the first time Anna was THAT openly cuddly with him, and how exhilarated and giddy he felt the first time he had her that close to him. 76. Who takes longer in the bathroom? Probably Hiccup, if only because I HC him as a bit of a germophobe who is a tiny bit obsessive about washing his hands sufficiently. 77. Who has more songs on their ipod? Anna, mainly because literally every time she hears a song she likes she’s like “!!!!! Gotta download it!!!!” LITERALLY EVERY TIME. And she wonders why her ipod is always running out of space XD 78. What movie did they first see together? As of the Modern AU Hiccanna one-shot I wrote ages ago, Revenge of the Ancient Dragon Masters! XD If we’re talking movies that actually exist, I imagine it would be a Marvel movie, a Star Wars movie, or some super-fancy-CGI high fantasy epic. 79. What do they like to see each other in? You mean like...which of the other’s outfits would they find the sexiest??? Aight, I’ll take a stab at this. Anna gets literally SO fuckin thirsty every time Hiccup wears his dragon rider outfit (the one from HTTYD 2), like it shows off his cute skinny body in the most perfect possible way whilst making him look like a badass and oh how Anna DREAMS of feeling him up in that! (One day, she finally gets to! XD) She’s also very into the scale armor from HTTYD 3 when she’s in...a very different kind of mood XD As for Hiccup, his favorite outfits of Anna’s are probably her coronation dress and her queen dress, mainly because he loves how she looks in green. He also really likes her travel outfit from Frozen 2, mainly because it’s sexy AND practical and damn, he’s gotta admit, that’s a nice shade of purple and she absolutely SLAYS in it XD 80. Who makes jokes during inappropriate times? Honestly both of them??? Like neither are great at picking up social cues, and Anna canonically DOES do this in Frozen! (Remember her comment about ice-selling being “a rough business to be in right now”???) I can see both of them attempting to lighten a tense mood by making an ill-timed joke, hoping to make things less uncomfortable, and they end up making everything MORE uncomfortable XD Honestly sue me, I love the idea of these two idiots bonding over how terrible they are with social cues in general 81. At what age do they discuss the possibility of children? I imagine not til like...their early 30s, if ever. Like I mentioned in the first part of the questionaire, I actually am not sure if they would even want to have kids at all, but if they DID decide to, it definitely wouldn’t be until they’re older and have settled down a bit, and have (somewhat) gotten both of their lives together. 82. What do they love about each other the most? Hiccup loves Anna’s energy and optimism, and how she’ll basically cheer him on and believe in him with all her being no matter how high the odds are stacked against him. And oh boy does he LOVE how hard she can kick ass when push comes to shove, and how goddamn overprotective she is of him. The sword skills and the general willingness to punch problematic people in the face are definitely up there as well. She’s like the perfect blend of fun and badass, and there’s never a dull moment with her for him. Anna adores Hiccup’s connection with animals and general animal skills, especially with the more less-loved and “scary” of the world’s creatures (i.e. dragons lol). She also loves and admires the shit out of his intelligence and inventiveness, and wishes she could make contraptions half as cool as what he turns out. And, of course, she loves that he’s a pretty humble dude who's actually pretty insecure about his accomplishments, and isn’t some cocky guy wanting to shove them in everyone’s face. And, of course, she loves his sarcasm and his dry sense of humor, and few people can make her laugh as hard as Hiccup can. Before she met him, she had no idea pessimism could be this entertaining XD 83. Who is the one that sees the big picture, while the other focus’s on the small details? Hiccup is very detail-oriented--he has to be, in order to make any of his contraptions work! Anna is very much focused on the big picture and gets stressed and exasperated trying to keep track of details--she figures she’ll either sort through the details as she goes, or Hiccup will help do it for her XD 84. What would they write on their partner’s social media’s for their anniversary? One of my IRL friends wrote “Happy anniversary bro, you’re pretty great” on his girlfriend’s instagram for their anniversary, and she wrote back “Happy anniversary, you’re a good buddy, I love you” and I just XD That’s the EXACT kind of weird dorky nonsense I can see Hiccup and Anna doing for their anniversary tbh 85. Who is bad at math? Anna, bless her soul, needs a calculator for literally EVERYTHING. Hiccup kinda trained himself to be decent at doing math in his head, since he often has to calculate measurements for his inventions and whatnot, but Anna is absolutely atrocious at it and generally would like overly-complicated numbers to not be anywhere near her. 86. Who googles everything? Probably Anna, mainly because she’s pretty forgetful and doesn’t trust her own memory half the time so she feels the need to verify everything on the internet XD 87. Who does stuff on impulse? Anna 100% canonically does, although Hiccup has some shades of this too more than he would ever admit, in fact, for someone claiming to be the Voice of Reason 88. How do they comfort each other when they are helpless to do anything about the situation? Hiccup’s approach is probably just to try and distract Anna and take her mind off of it, which he’ll do by either trying to make her laugh, telling her a story, or explaining one of his inventions to her (which she never gets bored with btw, because everything that boy gushes about is fascinating to her <3). Basically he figures if he entertains her enough, it’ll take her mind off of whatever is freaking her out and she won’t fixate on it as much. Anna’s approach is more to accentuate the positives in a bad situation (although like I mentioned in Part 1, not really in a condescending “count your blessings, it could be worse!” kind of way, but more in a “I hope he’ll feel better if he focuses on happy things” kind of way, if that makes any sense?) and also focus on when Hiccup DID do great and utterly kick ass and tell him he’s always better than he thinks he is. 89. What is an inside joke they have? If anything, him calling her “Tiger” as a pet name (which I think I mentioned briefly in Part 1??? Can’t remember) is this, because in my mind it developed because whenever Anna is about to do some Dumb Shit, or punch someone she really shouldn’t in the face, Hiccup has to physically hold her back like “Whoa, slow down there, Tiger!” This happens so frequently that eventually it just gets shortened to him nicknaming her “Tiger” and all their friends are kind of baffled as to why XD 90. Who makes the other smile with almost no effort at all? Hiccup barely even needs to start talking in funny accents or imitating his dad before Anna is just DYING laughing. She thinks he’s the funniest damn person on earth. He honestly gets a kick out of her impressions too--she can do some pretty amusing ones, if that deleted coronation dress-up scene from Frozen 1 is anything to go by. So the feeling is mutual!!! They’re super good at making each other smile and laugh with little to no effort!!! 91. What is their favourite holiday? I feel like Anna especially would get REALLY into Christmas/Yule, mainly because of how much Elsa can spice it up with her powers. And judging by the OFA short, Arendelle gets very hyped for the holidays in general, so it’s probably hard NOT to have a good time. Anna probably also like Mayday a lot because the dancing, the spring cheeriness, and the flower-related festivities are definitely to her taste. Hiccup just likes the energy and general vibes, and would rather sit back and relax and watch Anna dance around and have fun XD Also dun best believe they BOTH get hella into Halloween, because they’re dramatic motherfuckers who loves to dress up, and it gives Anna an excuse to buy a shitton of chocolate and eat all the leftovers XD 92. Who is the one that is calm and collected while the other is angry and destructive? Lmao Anna is definitely the “berserker” of the two of them. She DOES tend to get destructive when she’s angry, if being ready to fight a giant-ass snowman and smacking a wolf in the face with a lute is anything to go by. Hiccup is definitely the calm and collected one, and very rarely gets genuinely angry. 93. What is their favourite board game to play? Does Dungeons and Dragons count??? I can totally imagine Hiccup being hyped up over that or some other super nerdy RPG game and being so enthused to show it to Anna, who just falls even more in love with him after seeing how EXCITED he gets about it. Of course he’s super eager to teach her, and TBH Anna has a really hard time getting it at first because DAMN these rules are COMPLICATED, but after she finally gets the hang of it, she realizes she absolutely LOVES DnD and RPG games in general (I mean...have you SEEN OFA??? Girl gets just a little TOO into reminiscing about her old play-pretend toys XD) and she and Hiccup constantly geek out about it together. 94. Who accidental sets something on fire? Anna, 100% also this is an ever funnier question if applied to Hiccanna in my Fire!Anna AU 95. Who has the car ready while the other is robbing the store? Anna is waiting while Hiccup robs the store, if for no other reason than that Hiccup is much better at Stealth Mode than Anna is XD Anna’s uncoordinated ass would probably knock over like 5 shelves’ worth of merchandise before reaching what they were actually trying to rob XD 96. What artist/group did they go to for their first concert? I M A G I N E  D R A G O N S lmao Look what can I say Anna likes the Imagine and Hiccup likes the Dragons 97. Who sleep talks? Hiccup. He mumbles about dragons a lot. Sometimes he jolts awake randomly and just yells out “THE DRAGONS ARE IN TROUBLE!” and Anna has to calm him down after she dutifully manages to not burst into laughter at this. Doubly funny if this takes place in a Modern AU. 98. Who is the more social one? Anna! Hiccup generally prefers to either keep to himself or hang out with animals. 99. What are their karaoke songs? For some reason I feel like anything by P!nk??? Idk why, but I can see them like rocking out and singing along to p!nk songs together and getting really into it. Also basically anything by The Killers and, at Anna’s request, The Chainsmokers (Hiccup thinks this is very basic music indeed but goes along with it for her sake XD). AND “Whatever It Takes” by Imagine Dragons. And they sing it LOUD. 100. Who would get up on stage and make a fool of themselves just to make the other laugh? Highkey both of them??? I kinda feel like Hiccup moreso though, if his little comedy routine imitating his dad in HTTYD2 is anything to go off of. He definitely wouldn’t be averse to making an idiot of himself to amuse Anna, especially since she’s so damn cute when she laughs. Anna, for her part, loves returning the favor, and is all about trying to do all sorts of Goofy Antics to amuse her boyfriend. And she’s overdramatic af, so she gets WAY too into it XD

[blazewatergem]

Moments of Absolute Feral Energy, staring my family

* I filmed a tour vlog of our cabin first day. Halfway through my Mum joined me. We commented on everything. I posted these on Instagram! You’re able to see me in them a few times, and hear what I really sound like 😂 I’ve been told I have a deep voice for a girl.

* We also climbed up the stairs like animals. I’m talking all fours. Both Mum and I. Dad almost had a heart attack when he came around the corner.

* Dad proceeded to count every pillow he could find. We ended up with 36, not including decorative pillows. Just sleeping pillows.

* We watched The Never Ending Story, and some other movies, in a theater room built above the cabin garage. Like a legit theater room. Movie posters, dimming lights, beanbags, and a microwave in the room to pop popcorn.

* The con of the theater room is that there’s no bathroom, so you end up walking down like two flights of stairs whenever you need to go. My legs have been throbbing for days 😂 they still hurt a bit.

* Dad and I ended up having a passive Merlin marathon, where we would just play the episodes when we could and not like binge it. We have made it to season two, episode four by the time we’re leaving.

* Mum and I watched Over The Moon on Netflix. Great movie. I cried at the end.

* We all had a horror movie marathon in the living room this time. Watched The Gift, Sinister, and You Should Have Left. The Gift was a great psychological debate for us, Sinister freaked my parents out(I loved it), and You Should Have Left freaked me out(parents loved it).

* We attempted DoorDash for Red Lobster, our official “outing” as we didn’t want to risk it. Figured it was safer, right? Yeah no we spent like an hour and a half just trying to put the order in before we gave up on DD, and Dad proceeded to go pick up food in person.

* He got me chocolate cake :D

* I ate so many bay scallops. I love seafood so freaking much.

* We had a video game van thing, like one you see in arcades, in the garage. I played a game with Mum and then with Dad. I got highest scores both times 😊

* I’ve been jealous of the mugs here. There’s this pretty glass one that I’ve been drinking hot chocolate out of and it looks like something on Pinterest.

* We manage to avoid politics for the entirety of this trip. Dad is pretty Right Winged(not in a bad way, I’m working on it, to try and get him to see the more Left point of view which is where I am) so it’s nice to not have spats over the latest political dumpster fire. I just...can’t keep up. I do my best though. Honest.

* We keep sleeping in different rooms. I’ve crashed in Beaver’s Hideout, Deer Meadow, Fox Den(technically for kids, I don’t care), and once on the couch because I stayed up too late and didn’t move in time lol.

* They have a awesome open rock shower I’m massively envious of. Like I use this non jokingly but the vibes were immaculate. Cross between feeling like an Elven princess or badass traveling warrior. Great for my self esteem. Not so much for my curly hair that hates showers 😬 these curls don’t like getting wet. Look like Ozzy Osborne when I do.

* Thanks to said rock shower and Merlin marathon I have MORE fanfic ideas. I’m ok with this, though. Work at my own pace, no pressure no worry. I did work on some fics in progress! Like I said though, I’m refusing to stress myself out over fics. I get to them when I get to them, it’s not my job it’s my hobby for fun. No worry here, I refuse.

* Today(tonight?) is our final day. In an absurd instinctive moment, which I cannot for the life of me explain, I proceeded to raid every bathroom and steal the soap bars. I’m talking I went up and down the stairs, SWAT searched every room, and proceeded to head back up to the main bathroom bag and shove in the soap. Regular bars for hands and body bars were stolen together, nothing left behind. I am a weak, noodle armed woman who PUSHED two huge totes out of the way of one bathroom door for five small, circular bars of soap. My parents, who for ten minutes as I did this wondered where TF I went — since we were watching Big Brother — until I came back up, clutching these fancy soaps to my chest like an angry dragoness. My Dad high fives me on my way to drop off the latest catch. My Mum is cackling. I am Content with my stolen good soap. It’s circular, and smells of honey and chamomile. Worth being called soap girl for the rest of the day.

* In line with the above story, that glass mug I was talking about? I was talking to my Dad about it, and he just point blank says “Steal it” I go no, that’s illegal. He shrugs and we move on. Fast forward three hours later. I am telling Mum about the mug, bouncing back and forth between maybe I SHOULD take it or not. We paid a lot of money, this isn’t us renting some family’s cabin it’s a company’s, and I mean the mug can’t be super expensive it’s a mug right? Mum is laughing at me. Apparently I am Late to this conversation, as Dad has already wrapped the mug up in a towel, and has it hidden in her purse.

* Like father, like daughter.

[nodesiretogrowup]

alright, round 2

Quack Pack!:

Damn, they just throw you into the sitcom. I love it. All the overacting and over the top poses/reactions are great

Dewey’s entrance is great

Is the bear the one from the last episode?

“I’ve shenaned-once, I’ll shenan-again” BEAUTIFUL

And then he just one-legged hops up the stairs backwards

I liked the Della and Louie are both wearing green. It’s a cute thing to tie them together

ON THE MOOOOOOOOON

Louie totally did this scheme with Dewey in Della’s place at some point

The fact that Scrooge stops to entertain the idea is great

 “We’ve got about...30 mins” I love when shows make allusions to the actual runtime

Beakley and Webby had the BEST ENTRANCE! They must have seen the Lady Gaga halftime show

That dangerous agent stuff is probably gonna come back. Next week is the spy episode so...

“I’m not a spy” I wonder how that worked in the plot of the fake show. Did Beakley do spy stuff? It just doesn’t make sense for a sitcom

From the get-go Huey could tell things were off

WHY DID DONALD HAVE TO MAKE SUCH A SEXY FACE AT THE CAMERA?! I DON’T WANT TO HAVE A CRUSH ON DONALD! CURSE THE DT CREW FOR MAKING DONALD HOT! AND THE SEXY VOICE!

I wish they had just used the Quack Pack intro for the theme this episode

I want Launchpad’s band to somehow exist. I liked the girl’s design a lot

INTRODUCING DELLA!

“QUACK PACK WAS TAPED IN FRONT OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE.” Oh 90s sitcoms

When you rewatch the episode you can see they foreshadowed the twist. Donald looks directly into the camera an awful lot for someone that doesn’t know there even is a camera

Knox Quackington? Even for a show full of punny names, that is a ridiculous name

His outfit looks more “ace reporter” than “eccentric photographer”

“He’s a spy” Do you think Gene was trying to pretend to be a spy for the wacky misunderstanding of the episode in-universe or he just didn’t know how photographers act?

“YOU’RE SO SMALL! But so STRONG!” Webby has probably killed a man

The screen wipes are GREAT, though that feels more like an anime thing than sitcom. Sitcom scene wipes usually were establishing shots of the house they live in or the city. I’ve watched far too much tv

Louie’s lie speil was great and solid logic

“Time is money, kids, and I’d rather spend time because it’s not money” Inspirational

Donald sure cares a lot about the lighting. How would he know the office had the best lighting, hmmmmm

Something about that hand movement makes me think 90s but I’m not sure why

Dewey doing the dance that the triplets do in Mr. Duck Steps Out is cute

The blank pages made me think about how people can’t read in their dreams

“On the moon we had this old saying-always check your pockets” To be fair, that is good advice

Poor Huey just CAN’T catch a break! First he hallucinates a talking guidebook (THAT BURNS TO DEATH AND COMES BACK AS A GHOST) now reality is SHATTERING BEFORE HIM. Yeah...this season’s gonna do a number on this kid. Hopefully he gets a break next week

“Since when are YOU a hairstylist?” “SINCE THE INTERNET” Now THAT is a quarantine MOOD right there 

So we learn later that SHABOOEY is Gene’s catchphrase, is Dewey saying it because he’s being controlled by Gene in that moment? 

Donald looks into the camera again

SOMEONE HELP THIS CHILD! HIS WORLD IS SPINNING OUT OF CONTROL

THE FUCKING PEP COMMERCIAL! GOD IT WAS SO 90S AND BEAUTIFUL!! I NEED THE SONG TO BE RELEASED! 

Maybe because it was a soda ad in a Disney Afternoon-based show, but the commercial made me think of Coo-Coo Cola from Rescue Rangers

Ducktales-the ONLY Disney show with an in-universe “and you’re watching Disney Channel”

I love Huey dearly but....it’s really fun watching him MCFRICKIN LOSE IT

Dewey can’t throw...because he’s a theatre kid

Donald looks at the camera again

Louie’s wipe DEFINITELY looks like something out of an anime. Is Louie secretly a weeb? I mean he is in a different show

Gene doing his best not to break character. A true thespian through and through

“Yo” *all the ladies cheer*

All of the sudden BAM Launchpad has a band. Is he the Uncle Jesse?

I love that we don’t get to hear them play

“Trapped in a mystical prison that’s constantly laughing at us” I call that my brain :’)

“WHO ARE THOSE LITTLE GUYS?”

“I figured if anyone would crack, it’d be Dewey” Huey seems WAY more likely to snap imho

“But that was from soul-crushing loneliness” Della, you wanna talk about that? With a professional perhaps?

“We need some wacky hijinks!”

“HOW DID I GET HERE? WHY AM I DANCING?” Huey gets SO MANY great lines this episode

And once again we have Donald looking directly into the camera

“Cute girl stuff” Della probably went around with a meat tenderizer as a kid, so it’s normal

Goofy seemed to be aware of the cheering. HMMMMMMM

AAAAAAAAAAAAND.....GOOF TROOP POSE

I’ve been calling DT17 Goofy Chibi Goofy because of how short he is compared to how he normally looks. They probably made him shorter so he and Donald fit in a single frame easier. I know a lot of the boarders/animators for the show have a hard time doing scenes with Launchpad and the kids because of how MASSIVE he is compared to the kids

Goofy knew something was different about Donald. HMMMMMMM

The way Don delivers the line “You CAN help” has a weird inflection, at least to me

I want Goofy thinking to become a meme and people put random sounds over it like those are Goofy’s thoughts

That face-slap was loud

AND DONALD LOOKS INTO THE CAMERA LIKE HE’S ON THE OFFICE

Where was Dewey that whole time? He kind of just...disappears for a bit

Oh Launchpad, you MAJESTIC himbo. And Gene smiles, too cute

“Getting the lid off that peanut butter jar was an adventure” In that household it probably could have

Donald using Louie and Della’s names when he could have just said you broke your mom’s vase or something like that

You look pretty nervous there, Donny-boy

“I don’t mean the last episode” Good, because you kinda lost your mind in the last episode

Wow, flashbacking is TRIPPY

“EVERYONE, TILT YOUR HEAD TO THE LEFT THEN SCRATCH YOUR CHIN” So that’s how you do it

“We should really get back to the plot, I mean problem”

Why don’t you want to flashback, DONALD?

lol Goofy does it too even though he wasn’t present for that event

Gene’s just blankly staring in the background

“REMINISCE HARDER” What you tell yourself as you take a test and are trying to remember what you studied

Yay, the journal is brought up!

“How many lamps did this jerk have?” Excellent question

Webby looks INSANE and Huey FULLY SUPPORTS HER

DONALD HAS PTSD AND NEEDS HELP

I feel like Gene took some MAJOR liberties with Donald’s wish. When I think normal family problems I don’t think of sitcoms. In fact that is the FURTHEST THING from what I think of as normal. Then again Gene is played by Urkel, so that might be his normal

Speaking of, does Gene know that they are all ALREADY in a tv show? How far does this rabbit hole go?

“EVERYONE STOP CATCHPHRASING!” “Is ‘I’m not a spy’ seriously my catchphrase?” You deserve better, Beakley

Of COURSE Dewey’s cool with it...because he’s a theatre kid

DEAR LORD, SOMEONE HELP THIS MAN!

Gene just trying to sneak out. I don’t think he wanted to deal with all that family drama

“HOW MANY MORE SECRETS DOES THIS AGENT HAVE?!” Oh Launchpad. Next week you’ll learn all about secrets and agents and secret agents

Gene feels like what would happen if all of Genie’s pop culture references were limited to the 90s. I LOVE IT

“AGES! The long ago year of 1990!” Well I feel old (born in 91). His eyes after he says it are just AMAZING

Gene being so knowledgeable about what makes great tv is hilarious. Clearly he should have directed the Darkwing movie lol

Seriously though, this really gives us a good look at Donald’s psyche. The guy just wants his family to be safe. But it’s even deeper than that. He wants to be normal, which includes him having a voice that’s easier for people to understand. He’s got a lot of baggage and trauma that needs to be dealt with, mainly how he views himself. Like, fuck

The HURT you see in Della’s eyes when Donald talks about why he likes it there BROKE ME

Huey’s line about adventuring being who they are got me teary eyed

Goofy just shrugs as he walks out

Of course Launchpad was gonna get the multiple dates plot. We’re ALL thirsty for some Launchpad

“Probably at least 3 seasons, plus spinoffs, and I assume they’ll reboot the show eventually.” Lines like this make me think Gene is very aware he is in a tv show

WHY THE FUCK WERE THE AUDIENCE HUMANS?! IS GENE AWARE THAT HUMANS EXIST AND ARE WATCHING THE VERY SHOW HE’S ON?! WHAT IS REAL ANYMORE?!

 “HORRIBLE, FLESH-FACED MONSTERS!” Not gonna argue with that

Dewey is SUCH a drama queen

I don’t like how Scrooge called Gene genie. He told you his name, there’s no need to be rude

POGS

Ok the study date girl kinda reminds me of Laura from Family Matters, but that might just be because Urkel is there lol

How old is Launchpad supposed to BE in the sitcom? I don’t think a 30-something is going on many study dates

“You all seem real nice, I feel bad about the mix-up” LAUNCHPAD YOU BEAUTIFUL HIMBO

OH GOD THE LAURA DUCK IN THE BACKGROUND. JESUS

Beakley and Della telling the dates to find themselves and to be independent SLAYED ME. I was NOT expecting that!

“AH, MY PET SNAKE!” “Louie why would you have this?” “THIS IS A POORLY CONCEIVED STORYLINE!” “Eh, everyone’s a critic.” Louie’s right though, DEWEY would be the one with an exotic pet. Or any pet

Tiny Johnny and Randy

WHY ARE THE HUMAN KIDS’ PROPORTIONS SO MUCH WORSE THAN THE ADULTS?! THEY HAVE GIANT FUCKING HEADS!

 PUT SOME PEP IN YOUR STEP

The ENTIRE SCENE of Goofy and Donald together was SO HEARTWARMING and something we could NEVER GET before this series!  Having Donald and Goofy talk about being parents is WONDERFUL! It’s something we’ve never seen before with these characters. Donald just wants to be normal and Goofy giving a beautiful speech about how there really is no normal so enjoy the candid moments in life. I LEGIT CRIED

OF COURSE Goofy would have the wallet overflowing with pictures, he is THAT DAD. Seeing Max was great. I thought we might see PJ but I SQUEE’D when they showed the picture of Max and Roxanne! I hope they show up for real later on

We get a hint at the OTHER twist here with Goofy actively encouraging Donald to put things back to normal while everyone else that aren’t the Duck family are trying to keep them there

Also, Goofy’s ears have bones

DON’T MESS WITH DONALD’S FAMILY. It will NOT end well for you

Goofy just starts snapping pics, like the true photographer he is

SAX TIME

“LET’S GET QUACKING” It’s no “I AM THE STORM” but still good

AVENGERS CAMERA SPIN

“A lamp in a lamp?” I can’t tell if that is BRILLIANT or lazy. Or BRILLIANTLY LAZY

“YA HA HA HOOOOWIIIIIEEEEE” It wouldn’t be a proper Goofy cameo without the yell

The scorpions got bored and left

 “The sound of no one laughing never sounded SO GOOD”

“BEST EPISODE EVER!” Definitely in my top 5

“Gawrsh, that’s sweet.” *does a cute wave* “Wait, Goofy was really here this whole time?”

Ok, but where was Goofy before then? Did Gene poof him away from something important? I WANT ANSWERS!

I bet they had this bit so people wouldn’t freakout like they did with Darkwing

I love Launchpad just being confused and waving at Goofy. He’s never met the dude before so it’s understandable. But I NEED they to have a proper interaction. THING OF THE PROPERTY DAMAGE!

“Magic’s got NOTHIN’ on a big name guest star” YOU KNOW YOU’RE IN A SHOW!

Lowkey want that Goofy lava lamp

The little Maxes flying over Goofy’s head...ADORABLE

PLEASE TELL ME THEY GOT GOOFY HOME SAFE

Donald using his last wish on the picture made me tear up. He could have had ANYTHING. He could have wished for a normal voice. But he used it for a family memory

Donald and Beakley both looked into the camera for the picture. WHILE FIGHTING DEMON HUMANS.

I can’t lie, THIS was the episode I was most excited for even before we got the premiere date. I was excited for the 90s cheesiness. Then we found out Goofy was gonna be in it and I got even more excited. Goofy is one of my faves, especially Dad Goofy. I was expecting it to be balls-to-the-wall insanity nonstop but they got me in the feels too. I want more of this Goofy and Donald. The two of them being single parents who lost someone close to them. Like I said earlier, this episode is in my top 5 for sure.

[hazzabeeforlou]

Digging Deeper

Thanks @alienfuckeronmain for the tag, this I’ve loved reading everyone’s, and I tag @taintedlav @rahashirley @raisemybody @twopoppies @cuethetommo @metal-eye and @seasurfacefullofclouds1 if anyone wants to play!! 

1. Do you prefer writing with a black pen or blue pen? ink color matters less than ball-point-ness... 

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or city? I want a witch’s cottage with a giant messy garden on the edge of the moors and a forest a million miles away from everyone. So country. 

3. If you could learn a new skill what would it be? I’ve actually stretched myself this summer! Am learning French and guitar, and idk if it counts but learning my new job which I NEVER thought I could handle lol since I’ve never worked retail 

4. Do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? Honey ;)

5. What was your favourite book as a child? Well I have to say Narnia and Redwall, but when I was very tiny I loved this book about a girls who could whistle and speak to animals (named Mable) and the Velveteen Rabbit, and a book called “The Lost Princess” which is fucking amazing, by the precursor to CS Lewis, George MacDonald

6. Do you prefer baths or showers? I usually take showers because baths take too much time. Also baths are romantic and that makes me sad, and also I have to look at my body which, ug, not prepared to do that all the time rip

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which one would it be? Mer. Fucking. Maid. Though I’ve always wanted to fly too, I used to spend HOURS in the water just underwater swimming with my legs stuck together just pretending to be on ocean adventures

8. Paper or electronic books? I usually much prefer paper, but since I got these blue light blocking glasses I am finding i’m fine either way physically. Soul-wise though, yeah, paper

9. What is your favourite item of clothing? Probably my mango colored crop hoodie that I once smashed melting frozen blueberries on and then spent hours and days getting the stains out...

10. Do you like your name or would you like to change it? My real name is super boring and typical, though I do like it. I enjoy my tumblr name a lot, Toni, and it feels more genderless and constrictive than my actual name lol

11. Who is a mentor to you? I’ve had so many great teachers, but the biggest lesson I’ve learned in life is that so many you admire can be deeply flawed. I have lots of trust issues. I only take advice from a select few people, and they don’t include anyone ‘old and wise’ lol 

12. Would you like to be famous and if so, what for? Oh for sure, I used to want to be an actress or a rock star or whatever. Famous author. I would fucking LOVE to have a platform and help people and cheer people up and see people grocery shopping and have instant friends. I know that sounds terribly naive but I’ve said before I share a lot of Harry’s personality, and I just love flirting with people and smiling with them and giving hugs. Now, I would want to be famous as TONI me and not real me, because then I could never be myself because my fam would find out rip

13. Are you a restless sleeper? Depends on my mattress. Currently, yes, ugg. I wake up in an omega nesting scene from a fic every morning

14. Do you consider yourself a romantic person? Unfortunately yes. 

15. Which element best represents you? idk I usually say fire but I’m feeling more water lately 

16. Who do you want to be closer to? I’m working on getting to know my amazing sister better, and that’s been lovely.  

17. Do you miss someone at the moment? All my friends have been long distance for actual years, so i don’t miss anymore more than normal. I am missing just... the POTENTIAL for someone. This indefinite distancing is wearing on me. 

18. Tell us about an early childhood memory. I was like two or three, and we were out on a full moon walk and I was in my stroller in the red sheepskin bundled up, and I remember coming up our sidewalk and looking at the world and moon and thinking, “remember this moment, or you’re going to grow up and forget how wonderful it was.” Also when I was five I had a breakdown on my mom’s lap because “I’m going to grow up and be too big to be sung lullabies to!” and I didn’t want anything to change EVER  

19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten? I used to make a concoction of rye crackers, mustard, and pickles. Don’t ask

20. What are you most thankful for? all the opportunities I’ve had in life. I’m so massively privileged 

21. Do you like spicy food? depends on how hot

22. Have you ever met someone famous? I saw a few celebs in NYC, Shosh from Girls, the guy from Monk, Tim Gun, John Oliver (and his golden retriever) and I passed a drunk as a skin Alec Baldwin outside Lincoln Center one day. Probably other people I didn’t recognize. Oh and S**** M***** rented my instrument right before covid hit here, and drunk him (or high him) couldn’t believe he had a h*** to play around on, and then I saw him staring at mountains being the most stereotypical rich white boy ever, also he did not send out gay vibes but don’t let that stop your Shiall, please don’t let it  

23. Do you do you keep a diary or journal? I almost always start with the new year and do like. A day. And then forget. 

24. Do you prefer to use a pen or a pencil? PEN

25. What is your star sign? Aries sun, Aquarius moon, Pisces rising

26. Do you like your cereal soggy or crunchy? Depends on the cereal, those golden grams were BEST thoroughly soaked in milk fight me 

27. What would you want your legacy to be? make the world a little better 

28. Do you like reading, what was the last book you read? Yes but you know, i’m the worst at making time for it. Still getting through that Brief Interviews with Hideous Men or whatever it is

29. How do you show someone you love them? Just thinking of them and doing little things to surprise them, I think

30. Do you like ice in your drinks? Yep the smaller and more crush friendly the better 

31. What are you afraid of? I really do not. like. limb loss. no horror movies for me EVER

32. What is your favourite scent? wet Labrador because it means there’s a WET LABRADOR

33. Do you address older people by their name or surname? surname always unless I’ve always known them by firsts. Religion, man

34. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life? I have this dream of buying up all the land shitty developers snatch up in this country and ceding it back to its rightful owners. I’ve legit cried over little forests turned into parking lots, thanks Joni Mitchell 

35. Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? pools are so clean and have no sharks or jellyfish. that said, they also have no waves... 

36. What would you do if you found £50 on the ground? turn it into the store it was closest to. I’m the lawful good box and yes I hate it

37. Have you ever seen a shooting star? YES in Breckenridge one year I saw a fucking meteor shower! I’ve wished on some, they’ve never come true I don’t think. 

38. What is the one thing you would want to teach your children? I’m too scared to have children even if I could (I can’t) because of the pressure of what would fuck them up and what wouldn’t 

39. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? I love my baby tat @alienfuckeronmain gave me, idk if I’d want another one someday, maybe a sister tat with my sis

40. What can you hear now? The fan, my typing, my parents watching old TV shows

41. Where do you feel the safest? With a pet outside in nature somewhere

42. What is the one thing you want to overcome/conquer? putting limits on things /myself/people

43. Of you could travel back to any era, what would it be? You know I used to really DREAM about this shit, but since I realized I would have genetically DIED in any other era, and that my dreaming was a literal result of white privilege since it would fucking SUCK to be anyone else (I mean even now it’s awful wtf) I just. Stick with the present. 

44. What is your most used emoji? the laughing face. oops. 

45. Describe yourself using one word. Supercalifragelisticexpialidocious

46. What do you regret the most? I have so many. social. anxiety. nightmares from my 28 years of life that haunt me

47. Last movie you saw? l think it was the Downton Abbey movie? 

48. Last tv show you watched? Monk 

49. Invent a word and it’s meaning. Surplumn. a really divinely wonderful thing, like ‘oh her lips are surplumn’ like a juicy chocolate mousse and perky breasts idk 

[collinnmckinley]

TLOU2 review. *SPOILERS DUH*

DISCLAIMER: These are my opinions and do not have to cross with anyone's. Everyone with their own and I respect them, I hope you do with mine. I will try to keep it short even though the thoughts will be all over the place and I might go off tangents sometimes. Also SPOILERS!!

This game had me go through a lot mentally, I cried, I laughed, I was angry, but mostly I was upset a lot of the time. And I will explain why later on. 

The Last of Us part II was one of the most, if not THE most, anticipated game for me. And I was over the moon when my best friend got it for me. I was happy that I would get to see and play as my favorite characters. But that happiness didn’t last long as the story progressed. But before I delve into the story and talk about the cons I want to talk about the goods and pros of the game.

I wanna start with the graphics, and the visuals of the game. This game has one of the most beautiful visuals and environment details I've seen in a current gen console. Also me having PS4 slim and saying this doesn’t do justice, imagine the game in PS4 Pro with maximum settings. The character models were amazingly crafted, I can’t say this enough but just look how amazing Joel looks here;

Also Maria, Tommy, Ellie, they all looked amazing! God help me because I still can’t get over how beautiful and amazing they all look. And I will keep saying amazing because it is true.

The mocap and voice acting; it is only fair to say that the actors did a perfect job to bring these characters to life and I respect them so much for it, and the animation that came with it was just fantastic. I applaud the animation team for the amount of work they’ve put into this game and I will never get over the fact that it was all made in a computer. It didn’t feel like mo capped at all, it felt legit and real, it felt like I was watching a movie not playing a video game. 

That brings me to the point; this game felt more like an interactive movie than a video game. 60% of the time I was just sitting there bored out of my mind, either because of this reason or that the game gets dragged too long because of the unnecessary gameplay or encounters. Yes it might be a bit too easy to just let the player walk into what they’re supposed to walk to but an encounter every 5-7 minutes? It just gets repetitive and annoying at one point. 

It really felt like an interactive movie with so many cutscenes and unnecessary story telling, it was just plain bad. Sometimes I would be tempted to just skip the cutscenes because of how bored I was getting but then again it was my first play through and I don’t like missing anything (although in this game I would’ve like to miss a lot). I think they forgot what made the first game so good.

The game play was exactly the same as the previous one, plus you are able to crawl, swim and dodge. To think these were innovative is a bit dumb on their part. Before the game came out, or when the gameplay trailer released they were boasting how much better the game play is from the first one, showing off the new workbench. Which btw was very annoying to use, unlike the first game this game took most of the time because of the damn animation. “Oh we want to make the game better, how do we do that? I know let’s add sick animation on the workbench to drag the gameplay time.” I know they were trying to make it realistic but it’s just another one of the unnecessary elements.

I think we’ve started with the Cons already so might as well continue. The game tries and forces you to see each character’s perspective that you end up playing, which are Ellie and Gabby. I still don’t understand why they were trying to force us to like Krabby Patty. She killed Joel and so she’s the bad guy for me, end of the story. NOTHING she did had changed my mind about her, literally nothing. 

The game was supposed to be Joel and Ellie’s story, about Joel’s redemption, about how fractured their relationship gets after the truth was out, and about how they bond all over again when Ellie starts forgiving him. But all of that was sent out of the window when Debby and her gang were brought into the picture. Ever since they were introduced, nothing made me care about a single one of them, on the contrary every character died made me a little happy inside. They wanted to introduce a new character but they introduced ONE TOO MANY The only characters I cared about besides Ellie and Joel were, Tommy, Jesse and Dina. Jesse didn’t have that much screen time but I liked his character because he wasn’t a bullshit one like Debby gang and wasn’t forced for me to like him. 

The fucking sex scene didn’t have to be there, noone wanted or needed to see it and I feel so bad for the actors who had to participate in it all.

The whole Gebb arc was so forced. It made me angrier the more I played as her. Her arc was supposed to be some sort of redemption road for her because of her actions, but it made me hate her more and more. I swear I tried to understand her, like her, see what she saw and why she did what she did but no, nothing could change my mind about her. She couldn’t let go of her anger because she didn’t grieve, she dragged her friends across the country to take her revenge. Not all of her friends agreed with her, because they knew deep down she was wrong, even one of her friends later on said something similar to Gabey at the end of her arc. 

The ending: It was so bad. At first I thought of it as a bittersweet ending, because they gave us that scene where Ellie talks to Joel and she says she wants to try and forgive him. They  almost made us think the game was good and the ending was justified, but it wasn’t one bit. Ellie didn’t get her revenge, Gebby didn’t die, and Ellie just lost everything and everyone while Abby didn’t. And in the end, Geb didn’t even matter in the story. What was the point of inserting her in the story if she didn’t matter anymore, they just ended her arc there (and I hope for their fucking sake they keep it that way). The more I go through the ending the more I hate it. It wasn’t justified at all for Joel sake, but then again it was Ellie who had to come to terms with his death and grieve on her own. In conclusion it sucked.

The game advertisement was so bad. They made us think that Joel was alive the whole game, they made us think that Joel will be our companion the whole game. And the whole time Neil Druckmann was laughing at us in the background. Its false advertisement for the players to buy the game because they know if they exposed even a little bit of the story people will boycott ND and not gonna buy TLOU2, and honestly can you fucking blame anyone?. A scummy move them ND tbh and I will never forgive them for it.

I wonder what the writers were on to write this shitty narrative story killing off one of the most beloved characters in the game like that. They wanted to make an example out of Joel with death. I get it, but this wasn't the way to do it. the more I think about it the more I think it’s so stupid and the shittiest narrative any game has had so far. And for the sake of the fans I just hope to god they don’t make another game or a dlc for the series after how they ended it. 

My conclusion: I was upset most of the time playing this game and didn’t have a good experience for more than 18 hours of it because of what I stated above. it was a grindy experience for me, and my head hurt most of the time because I felt the game like a chore rather than a game, because of how much they kept on stretching it from unnecessary encounters with the enemy to unnecessary amount of cut scenes. Also playing as Dabby made everything 300 times worse for me and I hate her. :)

My rating is 3.5/5, would not recommend buying it full price. 

[cornfields-and-bad-dreams]

SOWC19, Day 1: Forest/Woods

Original work

word count: 1,377

Warnings: strong language, mention of death, zombie

Synopsys: Micheal and his two friends buy a map that will supposedly lead them to a forgotten settlement, but that’s not all they’ll find.

@blackirisposts

Wednesday, October 2nd, 2019:

Jason Lewis sold Brian, Zach and I a map.  He says if we follow it, it will lead us to "The ruins of a forgotten civilization."  I thought he was full of shit but Zach and Brian seemed really interested.  We all chipped in $10 for the map so I hope he wasn't pulling our legs.  Brian thinks it's legit though, he says the area the map leads to is where a bunch of people think an old settler village used to be, apparently his dad was telling him about that recently and his dad would know, he works down at the museum.  So, Brian, Zach and I decided to talk to our parents about the two of them staying the weekend here, our parents finally said yes after they took forever to call each other.  Now, all we gotta do is figure out what to take on our trip.

-Michael

Friday, October 4th, 2019:

Brian and Zach came over after school today, my mom made us do homework right away but afterward, we started getting our backpacks ready for the morning.  Our parents don't know we're doing this cause I doubt they'd let us go so we're leaving pretty early, my parents usually sleep in on Saturdays but we still wanna be out of the house and at the woods before they even realize we're gone.  I'm gonna be carrying most of the real supplies while the others have snacks and drinks.  We didn't know exactly what to take so we just grabbed a bunch of stuff from my dads supplies of camping/outdoors supplies.  I did make sure to get his compass though, thought that might come in real handy.  Speaking of those snacks though, me and the guys went to the store yesterday and bought as much stuff as we could afford, not all of it is for the trip though were saving some for the after party.  I should probably go to sleep, need to be up early.  Tommorow's entry will be amazing, I just know it.

-Michael

Saturday, October 5th, 2019:

Today was fucking insane.  The three of us got up early like planned and got ready, we were out of the house and to the woods by the time the sun started to rise.  It took us about four hours to get to the village.  There wasn't much left of it, mostly just foundations left but there were a few walls and remnents of chimneys.  Brian was taking a lot of notes, he was the most excited, Zach and I lost interest after half an hour or so, we wanted to go back but Brian kept insisting we stay.  I now wish we hadn't litened to him.  Brian wanted to try and map out the village, something about it helping his father and the others at the museum, so Zach and I started wandering around.  We played a couple games, stopped for lunch with brian and the three of us got back to doing what we'd be doing.

It was about this time, approximately noon, that things started to get serious.  Zach and I had been messing around in the stream next to the village when we decided to follow it up the way it was coming, after ten minutes we found a graveyard.  We didn't realize what it was at first, most of the headstones had been grown over or broken, and the carvings on the visible ones had been worn away over the years.  It wasn't until Brian joned us that he realized what we'd found.  

I felt kinda sad being there, the place hadn't been kept properly, like a graveyard should.  Lost and forgotten to time, no one to mourn them, no one to miss them, even their names had been consumed by time.  Brian had wandered off to take note on the churchs foundation while Zach had decided to "Pour one out for the fallen homies"  I felt like I was the only one who was really aware of where we were.  I started walking around trying to find just one headstone that was legible.  Toward the back of the graveyard was a small headstone that caught my eye, I could make a a few letters on it, running my fingers over it I could feel the other letters were just barely there, an idea struck me.  I called Brian over and asked for a piece of paper and his pencil, using the two to make a rubbing the name appeared, Emeline Wallace.  The date on her headstone told me she'd died young, 17 years old.  And as I sat there, listening to Zach and Brian arguing about something somewhere behind me I started to talk to Emeline.  I didn't know who she was or what kinda life she'd had, and I certainly didn't know what had killed her, but there in that abandoned graveyard, I felt like the last person she had.  So I talked, and I cried, and I even sang, sitting ther for I don't even know how long until a hand landed on my shoulder.  Brian had gotten all the notes he needed and was ready to go, I said goodbye to Emeline.  

But here's the thing, as we were leaving we heard this noise, like a grunting as if someone was straining with something.  I looked back and there she was, crawling her way out of the very grave I'd been sitting at, Emeline.  I can't explain it and I certainly don't expect anyone to belive me.  I don't think Brian or Zach would've belived me if they hadn't have been there.  The three of us had frozen when we saw her, but as soon as she'd gotten to her feet and steaded herself Zach snapped out of his trance.  He yelled for us to run and grabbed our arms to pull us along with him as he started off, as soon as we were in motion my legs switched to auto pilot.  I was still processing what I'd seen and barely realized I was manuvering myself flawlessly trough the woods.  After some time of running we slowed, we had no idea if she was even following us anymore but we did know we were lost.  It was also at that moment I realized I'd lost my dads compass.  Eventually, we made our way out of the woods with the position of the sun and hurried on back home.  Now I'm just sitting in bed fighting sleep, you'd think it would be hard to sleep after that experience but with all said and done I'm exhausted.  I can only bet Brian and Zach were too, they passed out almost as soon as they laid down.  I hope this won't be my last journal entry, I'm sure I'll wake up just fine tomorrow but apart of me is still scared Emeline will find us.

-Michael

Closing his journal Michael lays it on his nightstand and turns off his lamp.  Laying down he closes his eyes and finally allows himself to slip into the welcomeing embrace of sleep.

Michaels eyes shoot open, his clock reads 3:16 A.M, the room is alight with the moons glow, and his two friends are staring wide eyed at something in the direction of the foot of his bed.  Michael knows whats there, he just does, he doesn't want to but ever so slowly he turns to look down his bed.  Standing there is Emeline, she is withered and dried with chunks of flesh and hair missing.  She extends her right arm over the bed with a closed fist, Michael is sure she's going to lunge forward to grab him, instead she opens her hand and lets something fall onto the sheets covering Michaels legs.

"You...dropped this." Emeline speaks hoarsely.

Slowly taking it in hand Michael realizes it's his fathers compass.

"Thank you." Michael replies, looking up bugeyed at Emeline.

"Thank you...for...visting me."  Her face contorts in what Michael can only guess is meant to be a smile.

Slowly and stiffly Emeline retreats out the bedroom door and into the night.  Looking over at his freinds Micheal finds they are now looking at him.  Silently Micheal lays back down and sets the compass onto his nightstand.

[headcanons-inc]

Shiratorizawa Headcanons

Some self-indulgent headcanons bc... it’s my birthday and I can lol

Ushijima

Collects succulents, and is very good at taking care of them~ 

Not very good at tasks involving fine motor skills, especially using scissors and doing up buttons 

Though to be fair, both can be attributed to his left-handedness, so it’s not really his fault

Actually super good at baking?? He only does it once every blue moon (usually for birthdays and stuff), but when he does everyone cries 

Semi

Do NOT play video games with this guy. He is so loud. He Yells. 

He’s not even a sore loser or anything, he just gives everyone headaches

Actually way more of an enabler than you’d think...

Semi: Hey wtf are you doing Tendou, sitting next to a napping Ushijima: Tryna see how many objects I can stack on top of Wakatoshi-kun before he wakes up Semi: Semi, sitting next to him: Cool can I watch,

His hair is so fucking dry from over bleaching that it gets regularly compared to straw 

Reon

He’s a super good writer!! He’s never gotten anything under a 96 on a written piece in Language Arts, and he’s even writing a book!

The worst aim of anyone you will ever meet. Seriously. He was challenged to a shooting game at a festival once by Goshiki and, because he’s also surprisingly competitive, he ended up spending most of his money on that one game that night... he never hit a single target...

Does photography and brings his camera everywhere with him. Never say or do anything embarrassing around Reon. He will get pictures whether you notice or not. 

His team knows this far too well

Tendou

Has bunk beds beds at home from when he was younger and used to share a room with his younger sister (she got a new bed while he kept the bunks) and keeps a candy stash on the top bunk which his mother regularly steals from

Got his hair from his mom, and his eyes from his dad

Total boss at Scrabble 

Goshiki

The middle kid of 5 brothers, which partially explains his need for praise all the time

Super good at almost all sports, not just volleyball! He was actually approached by someone on the soccer team when he witnessed Goshiki play in gym class 

He can’t play tennis for his life, though

Thinks at least once a month that he should change his hairstyle, but always ultimately comes to the conclusion that he likes it the way it is

Shirabu

Only child who comes from a rich family

Hates loud noises in the morning more than anything

Training camps are hell for him because he’s used to nice, quiet houses in the morning, and some people on his team Goshiki and Tendou like to start off their day by yelling...

Somewhat superstitious and fully believes that something as simple as putting his left shoe on before his right will ruin his day completely 

Kawanishi

Never gets enough sleep. Ever. He willingly stays up until 4 AM every night on his phone

At training camps, when he’s forced to get enough sleep, however, is when the team realizes that Kawanishi’s actually like... a pretty pleasant, happy person? Who enjoys having conversations with his teammates? And actually smiles? And teases Shirabu well he does that anyway but he’s WORSE now? Who are you and what have you done with Taichi?

He vehemently denies any of this happened when they get back

Too bad Reon has pictures

Prefers to be called by his given name (Taichi) rather than his family name, similarly to Kenma

Somehow always has a pen/marker on hand?? Like, no one knows where he keeps them considering he always seems to wear pocketless pants, but he’s always the first one to respond when someone asks for a pen

Do not fall asleep near him. He may seem trustworthy, and normally he is, but he Can and Will draw on your face. 

Yamagata

Is surprisingly good with dates and times for someone who never has his phone on him; he’s the guy who ALWAYS knows what they’re doing today, who they’re having their next practice match against, where their next training camp is, etc. 

Sometimes even before Washijou does, somehow

His team is scared

SUPER fast typist, like his mom (a teacher) took a fucking typing course in college and he’s way faster 

His favourite animals are turtles and he legit teared up when Tendou gave him a turtle plushie for his birthday one year

[eirenical]

15 QUESTIONS, 15 MUTUALS

Tagged by @mamzellecombeferre.

Are you named after someone?:

I am.  I’m named after my Uncle Rudy, who passed away less than a year before I was born.  He was my mother’s brother and by all accounts, I’m enough like him that it’s uncanny... which is particularly uncanny because my name means “reborn.”  So.  There’s that.  ^_^

When was the last time you cried?:

OK, cried for real was a couple of days ago.  Cried because TV and movies and books are sad and happy and I HAVE TOO MANY FEELS AND THAT IS HOW I PROCESS was like... an hour ago.  What?  It was the West Wing episode where Mrs. Landingham dies.  How the fuck am I supposed to get through that one without sobbing?

Do you have kids?:

NO.  Not unless you count the four-legged kind, in which case his name is Gabriel and he’s the most adorable ever.  ^_^

Do you use sarcasm a lot?:

...no.  Never.  Why would I do that?  ^_~  (It’s only my first defense against EVERYTHING.  OTZ)

What’s the first thing you notice about people?:

I... honestly have no idea.  That’s just legit something I’ve never thought about.

What’s your eye color?:

Blue or green depending on what I’m wearing, the day, the phase of the moon, I have no idea.  O_o;;;  It really does vary, though.

Scary movies or happy endings?:

HAPPY ENDINGS.  JFC, I have zero, zero, ZERO tolerance for scary movies.  If I can convince myself it’s sci-fi/fantasy, I can MAYBE sit through it, but otherwise, HELL to the no.  :P

Any special talents?:

Writing, bookbinding, sewing, weaving, reading tarot, singing, pottery (wheel throwing), and I used to dance and ride horses, too, but thanks to a bad back and the fact that I’m woefully out of shape, not so much anymore.

Where were you born?:

Long Island!  Born and raised.  ^_^

What are your hobbies?:

Uh... see above special talents?

Do you have any pets?:

As mentioned above, a kitty named Gabriel who is the most precious pain in the ass you’ll ever meet.  ^_^

How tall are you?:

5′ 2.5″ -- and YES, the half inch is important.

What sports do you play/have played?:

Unless dance and horseback-riding count, none?

Favorite subject at school?:

Math and Biology, hands down.  ^_^

Dream job?:

Dear fuck, my standards are low right now.  If it pays me a comfortable salary with benefits and affords me some stability and I don’t outright hate it?  I’d probably be down.  Alternately, I’d love for someone independently wealthy to just decide to pay me to do whatever art things strike my fancy--bookbinding, writing, weaving, pottery, etc.

I think you’re probably all getting sick of being tagged at this point, so how about if you want to do it, consider yourself tagged?

[cheollies]

Soulmate!Joshua

there was a story about the first pairs of soulmates

the pair’s souls longed for each other so much that the pair’s heart would hurt. It would hurt so much that sometimes they doubled over in pain and cried out, the longer the distance the more the pain

as a child, Joshua was always crying, always in pain, always hurting

He spent many days at the hospital being sedated as a child

the hospital had a little specialist who worked with kids dealing with the same soulmate connection as Joshua

and he hated it, he hated sitting in the hospital bed staring out the window because his heart hurt so much

as he grew older, the pain became more tolerable. Tolerable in the sense that he got used to the pain

He got used to his heart feeling crushed and compressed, throbbing and screaming in his chest

He got a special pass by the school to sit out in gym class or to leave class and go to the nurses office if he ever felt worse

the more Joshua matured, the more he worried about his soulmate, he wondered if they were hurting just as much as him, he wondered if they were alright with the pain in their chest

Joshua appreciated his connection though

As much as he hated it sometimes, he always thought ‘it’ll be worth the pain in the end’

some days, his heart felt lighter, and he’d smile, he’d laugh with his whole heart, and he’d feel this warmth, a warmness that signaled that he was closer to his soulmate

Whenever that happened, he’d unconsciously fix his hair, his clothes, he’d smile more, and try to get ready to meet his true love

But then the pain would return and he’d have to keep his optimism up

Joshua’s gotten to the point where he uses his connection to his advantage

‘Seungcheol are you really going to send me out to the convenience store. Me? Who has the worst soulmate connection out of all of us? Me? Who could hurt?’

‘WE GET IT JOSHUA.’

‘Me? Who spent their childhood in a hospital’

‘SHUT THE FUCK UP JOSHUA.’

But everyone knows how much of a trooper he is

and they all have this protectiveness over him, especially Jeonghan, Jeonghan sees Joshua cry the most, and so Jeonghan developed this motherly type of connection with Joshua

He felt so bad for his friend that he used his own soulmate connection to try and find Joshua’s soulmate, since Jeongan can see red strings of fate, he tried to follow Joshua’s red string but it had gotten so late that he had to stop

Joshua passed out in pain once, he didn’t know what was happening, all he knew was that he could no longer breath, his heart felt as though it was bleeding as if he was actually dying

Joshua broke down with his friends, all of whom panicked as joshua fell to the ground holding his chest, tears falling like pouring rain as he screamed

he held onto the boys, screaming his lungs out for them to stop the pain, to rip his heart out until he blacked out from the pain

When Joshua woke up, he was sore, his throat hurt, his head was dizzy, but his heart felt okay, actually his heart felt incredibly great

He was so stiff, that when he moved to stretch, he accidentally hit someone in the head

and when he properly looks, he finds you who begins to stir

‘I’m sorry.’ is the first thing he says

when you look at him, your eyes that looked tired and restless, he felt this spark, this flame go off, his heart let out an entirely different feeling, it was pain free, it was filled with what he can only recall Soonyoung saying ‘like butterflies’

‘I’m sorry’ you say in the most beautiful voice he’s ever heard, ‘i put you in so much pain.’

‘how did you find me?’

you let out a giggle that absolutely sets his heart on fire, ‘your friend, Jeonghan? He’s the one who found me. I guess it’s fate that we ended up at the same hospital’

Joshua was so captivated by you, he was so star stuck, over the moon, feeling as though his face would crack by the way he smiled so much with you

his heart was so tingly, his heart was happy for once, he was happy for once

you two left the hospital together, hand in hand, with the shyest of smiles, with foolish grins on your faces, and your fingers practically refusing to let go

Everything was so new to you two, the feeling, the happiness, the excitement, the everything! It was like discovering an entirely different world

they say the purest love was the soulmates with this connection

because the moment they meet, everything sets, all the pain, all the crying, everything disappears

Within the month of meeting, you two were married, moved in together, and switched universities to be near each other

legit sneaks into your class and is all chill like ‘hey we need more milk at home’

‘JOSHUA THIS ISN’T YOUR CLASS’

‘but i brought snacks’

‘JOSHUA’

ends up watching anime in your class on his phone while you take your notes and you’re so tempted to kick him out but he’s just so cute ya know, staring at his phone, so concentrated and you just know if you told him to leave he’d be all dramatic like

‘BUT MY HEART HURTS! I’LL MISS YOU TOO MUCH!’

He got you and him kicked out once because he was being too clingy and you ended up hitting him on the way out like ‘do you see what you did!’

and he’s just giggling into his hand because you’re reaction is just too cute

you and joshua had developed a little code to use whenever you two felt that the distance was unbearable

and the code was word for word ‘JOSHUA WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING.’

Joshua’s pain tolerance was just a little bit higher than yours and him and the gang loved to go eat at a place outside of the city

and by outside of the city, they meant maybe a few hours away for a little road trip fun that they all forgot to tell their soulmates about which led to much dismay

soulmates with this particular connection are given special treatments if you want to call that

if one of them were to travel for work, the other would be allowed special permission to take work off to go with them

this is one of the reasons why companies usually don’t let soulmates with this connection travel

sometimes you try to surprise Joshua at work but really how can you surprise him when he can literally feel his whole body starting to relax and warmth shooting through his heart

It’s not fair is what you always say

He loves using you as an excuse to get out of events and stuff

‘ah sorry, y/n isn’t feeling well. I’d love to come myself but if we’re too far apart, it hurts.’

You: ‘Stop lying to people Joshua’

‘BUT IT’S TRUE’

your parents absolutely adore Joshua (who doesn’t tbh)

They’re always inviting him to everything

‘You were invited! I’m their own child and they didn’t even ask me.’

later in the relationship, Joshua says he wants to do everything right

and you’re like ‘lolol what do you mean.’

‘I want to do things like the other guys do things. I want to take you on dates, and make you smile, and laugh, and get all nervous before I kiss you’

‘Joshua we did all those things.’

Joshua’s all pouty like ‘but we did all those things after we got married. We were so awkward and we didn’t get fully comfortable until we married and lived together.’

It occurred to you that he was actually right. Although you two felt the initial attraction, everything with the wedding and moving had happened to so quick that all the new lovey dovey honeymoon phase never really occurred

so Joshua’s grand romantic gesture lasted a week in which he acted as though you were just starting out

But the grand surprise: he proposed.

He deems it his ‘official’ proposal.

he gathered your friends and family, he rented a whole restaurant out, decorated the place with your favorite flowers with candles lit everywhere, soft music playing in the background, and when you walked in

Joshua was on one knee, your friends and family all smiling with such giddiness

‘y/n, i’ve only known you for a week. But i already know i want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me.’

He’s quite the charmer isn’t he.

When you ask Joshua if he’s planning a wedding, he’s like ‘boy i spent so much money on all of this. Let’s just call this our wedding.’

Yeah he broke now.

you never told Joshua why you had ended up in the hospital that day

but the first time he asked, he could see just how uncomfortable you looked

so he never really brought it up again, he respects your privacy like that.

but on some nights, when you’re fast asleep next to him, his mind throws around different scenarios, some good, some bad

and he always ends up just embracing you, pulling you in his arms as he breathes in the scent of your shampoo

and when he hears you mumble the words ‘i love you’ he whispers it back to you

[guiltytuning]

Could i request so e angst diamari with happy emding?your angst makes my heart explode ;_; i legit cried when iread that diamari where they were texting

8k / ao3 / this ended up as a series of vignette post-s2 (assuming the movie doesn’t exist) / warning for: mentioned Mari/Other(f) and Dia/Other(f), and slight Dia/Sarah + implied Ruby/Leah

You watch Mari wrap her armsaround Kanan in a final, tight hug. Mari’s lips are curved into a gentle smile,her chin burrowed into the curve of Kanan’s neck.

“Gonna miss you,” Mari says ina soft tone. It feels like you’re intruding on something, and you avert youreyes to the ground. Kanan and Mari had always had something special between thetwo of them. Something that you were never included in. You clench your fistsand then you release them.

“Remember to keep in touch,”Kanan says after a while. They’ve parted when you look up again, arms holdingonto each other and smiling brightly. Then she turns her eyes on you, and youfeel lost once again, drowning in the sea without an anchor. You can’t move.

She opens her arms wide toyou. It’s an offer; you take your first step, feet hesitating. And thenanother. And then another. And then you’re falling into her arms with a chokedsob.

“There, there,” Mari sayswhile stroking the top of your head though you can hear the tremor in hervoice, and you’re glad at least she’s trying to stay strong. You hold tightlyonto Mari, because you know what letting go means. You’ve already experiencedit once, two years ago. But this time – this time will be permanent.

No more morning practice,where you two sometimes jogged together at the very back of the line. No moreafternoon tea at her place when you have a new idea for a choreography thatyou’re dying to share. No more nights when she forces you to stay up and listento her punk rock albums.

And yet still – you can’t findthe words. There is something stuck in your throat, and you’re scared that you’llreally cry if you start to speak. Mari doesn’t need this right now. Not whenthe three of you have already made your promises in that tunnel, when she had spunaround, smiled and fixed her unrelenting stare on you and Kanan. You had lookedaway.

“Don’t tell me you’re going to try and stop me from goingto Italy?”

No, you’re not. You knowyou’re not.

But that doesn’t mean youdon’t love her.

She deserves to hear it, youthink. She deserves to know, before she leaves. She deserves to hear you say itbefore she makes her final decision.

You pull back from the hug andlook up at her. Her eyes are wet and her smile is being pulled down, verging onthe point of tears. “Mari,” you start. Your throat is scratchy like you haven’tspoken for years. You try again. “Mari, I –”

And that’s as far as you cango before you feel the tears running down your cheeks. And you know you can’ttell her. You have to keep these words locked up where she’ll never get thechance to hear them. It would be too selfish to subject her to your feelingswhen the time is nigh. The helicopter is waiting for her – the same brightfuchsia monstrosity you called her out for in middle school. The same one thattook her away in first year and then brought her back in third year. The verysame one that will take her away from you again.

Mari is reaching a hand outand wiping away the unbidden tears from your cheeks. You blink more tears awaywith a sniffle.

You try again, “Mari – I wishyou luck in your future.” The words feel clunky; Your heart is screaming atyou. That’s not what you wanted to say. You wanted to say I love you! You wanted to paint the words across the sky for her.You wanted to declare it so loudly it would be impossible for her to leave. Butyou can’t. You can’t be selfish.

“Oh Dia –” Mari is looking atyou so tenderly that you feel raw and exposed, your words stripped naked andrevealed for what they are: a love confession hidden under a layer of wellmeaning wishes. You can feel it – the electricity jolting through your bodyfrom the place where your skin meets her hand, the lowering of her eyes to yourlips. She’s going to kiss you. She’s going to kiss you. She’s going –

She lets go of you and stepsback, leaving you bereft. You feel like you are a fish, reaching for the moon. Mariwas never yours to begin with.

“Goodbye,” she says, blowing akiss to you and Kanan before she turns and runs towards the helicopter withoutonce looking back. Your chest is a gaping wound and Mari has stuck you throughwith a knife. You take a step forward before you can stop yourself. Then youpause, holding your breath in an attempt to hold yourself still.

You and Kanan watch her getin, and the both of you watch her leave once again the same way she left twoyears ago.

She’s waving through thewindow as the helicopter rises and the both of you wave back to her, even whenshe is so high up in the air and you can’t see her through the window anymore.You’re still waving when she’s nothing more than a pink dot in the sky.

When you arrive at home, you headstraight into your room. The bedroom is neat and orderly, just the way you liketo keep it, though something makes you want to tear everything apart, rip openthe colour-coordinated notebooks on your bookshelf and spill all your clothes fromthe closet onto the floor. You close your eyes and take a deep breath in andthen you release it before opening your eyes. It hurts, but that’s no excuse tobe unreasonable.

On your bed is your school uniform,a little ratty from being unwashed, the green tie beginning to come undone. Youpick it up and wrap in your arms, bringing it up to your face. And there, justthere, you think you can smell a faint hint of Mari’s flowery perfume when shehad sprayed you with it during graduation. You had protested then, much toMari’s amusement, but now you’re grateful for at least this one thing left ofher, no matter how ephemeral it is.

Then, you bury your face inthe uniform and cry.

-

Kanan accompanies you to Tokyowhen you move into your new apartment. It’s a tiny place with a single bedroomand a bathroom, and the window is a tiny square of light filtering through thedim place. It’s a little dusty, and you apologize to Kanan for it. She onlylaughs and shakes her head. “It’s no biggie,” she tells you. “I’ll only be hereuntil tomorrow afternoon. Then I’ll need to catch my flight to the Philippinesat the airport.”

You nod, trying not to feeldejected that your other friend is leaving as well. You kneel on the floor andbegin to unzip your suitcase before you remember that your school uniform fromUranohoshi is sitting on top of your clothes. You hadn’t expected Kanan to comealong, and now you feel a little embarrassed that she might see.

“Dia,” Kanan says,interrupting your thoughts. “Why didn’t you tell her?”

“Tell who what?” you ask, alittle too sharply. You wince at how defensive it sounds.

Kanan rolls her eyes. “Don’tplay dumb, Dia. You know what I mean.”

“I don’t,” you say, decidingto open your suitcase anyway. There’s no doubt that Kanan can see your schooluniform now. You push it aside and begin to organize your shirts slowly andcarefully, dreading what Kanan will say next.

“Why didn’t you tell Mari thetruth?” Her voice is quieter now.

“I did. I told her good luck,”you respond. It sounds inadequate even to yourself. Your hands are shaking andyou can’t stop it.

“That’s not the truth.”

You don’t respond, hoping ohgod, oh god, that she doesn’t continue.

“Dia,” she says again.

“Stop,” you tell her, shuttingyour eyes tightly. You heart hurts again. “Just stop. I don’t want to talkabout it.”

“Okay,” she finally says, andyou feel a rush of relief fill your body. “But if you ever want to talk, I’mhere for you.”

You nod without looking ather, hand reaching out to smooth the wrinkles of the school uniform.

When you come back from thecampus tour of the University of Tokyo the next day, Kanan is already gone.

-

You’re buying groceries oneday when you think you see her.

She’s wearing what seems to bea white blazer and a black skirt. She has her back to you while she’s staringat the coffee beans section, hand mulling over the different brands as sheexamines them carefully. Maybe she’s here in Tokyo for a business trip and hasstopped by to do some quick shopping before she takes off again. She’s alwaysloved going on a shopping trip to Tokyo to buy coffee beans. You and Kanan hadfollowed her more than once in the past – with you getting lost on the firstoccasion. Her signature hair loop isn’t there, but maybe she’s decided for adifferent style after high school. After all, you’ve cut your hair a littleshorter so it sits on your shoulders, and you think you might let your bangsgrow out soon from your usual straight cut.

You’re almost right behind herbefore you know it, having dropped your shopping basket while you ran over toher. You’re calling her name, but she’s not responding, and you’re wonderingwhy she’s ignoring you. Does she not want to associate with you any more? Ithas been a year and a half, and you suddenly wonder if she’s forgotten you. Youpush that silly thought away the moment it arrives.

“Mari,” you say again,touching her shoulder. Your heart is racing. She turns around, looking down atyou with her…blue eyes.

That’s not Mari.

“Oh… I’m sorry,” you say,backing away slowly. You can feel your heart crash into the floor, and thenthere’s nothing but the hollowed emptiness you’ve felt growing inside of yousince Mari left. You can’t feel anything but numbness spreading through yourbody. Why did you think that was Mari? Now you can see how different she is,even from behind – taller and too skinny. But in that desperate moment, yourmind had concocted an image you believed.

“Don’t worry,” she says in aheavy American accent, smiling flatly at you before turning back to the shelvesof coffee beans. You continue staring at her for a second before forciblyturning away. It’s been months. It shouldn’t have this effect on you.

You walk back to pick up yourfallen basket, checking the eggs thoroughly to make sure that they haven’tcracked and continue on with your shopping chores.

-

You attend the idol club’sannual general meeting for the first time in your second year of university,and you’re on your phone under the table the whole time. The old Aqours groupchat is still there, littered with goodbye messages from Chika and the gang anda video recording Ruby sent of your final live. It brings a smile to your face,but it also makes you feel nostalgic. You haven’t talked to them since you leftUchiura two years ago, having stayed the break at school. Neither Chika, You,or Riko have chosen to go to the University of Tokyo this year either.

You talk to Kanan sometimesover the phone but things have gotten busy for the both of you to keep intouch. The last time you talked was last month.

And Mari. You haven’t had afull conversation with her since the second month of her departure for Italy.All that’s left are sparse “hey how are you?” messages that get answered a weeklater with a generic “I’m doing good. You?” It suddenly hits you that you don’teven know which city in Italy she’s currently living in, if she hasn’t movedsomewhere else yet.

You still miss her but you’vebeen getting better at living without the two of them. Without her.

You put away your phone andtry to focus on what’s being discussed. There’s a plethora of executivepositions open, but you don’t think you’re very interested. They tend todiscuss about the actual idol industry rather than school idols. It makessense, you are all adults after all. The single most interesting thing in the entiremeeting is when they mention how Yazawa Nico, a former member of the schoolidol group μ’s, had gone on to become a highly successful idol herself beforemoving onto mainstream pop. Of course, you had already known all of that, buthearing them talk about μ’s begins to reignite your passion, though the meetingends quickly after that.

You’re leaving with the restof the attendees when the vice president stops you.

“Excuse me,” she says,squinting at you, “but do you happen to be a former idol from Aqours that wonthe Love Live competition two years ago?”

Two years ago, you would havejumped for your five minutes of fame. But something doesn’t feel right about itnow that you’re the only representative of Aqours standing here. You end upshrugging like it’s no big deal. “Yeah,” you say almost coolly. Her mouth fallsopen in astonishment. Before she can say anything else, you walk out the door.You can’t help your wide smile though and you text the group chat immediatelyafter you leave without even thinking. You get a flurry of messages andstickers immediately after sending it, mostly from Chika and Yoshiko. Did she mention me? Did she mentionUranohoshi? Wow, that’s so exciting! Ah, my hard work has finally paid off andnow Yohane, the fallen angel, is getting recognized for their arduousendeavors! But Yoshiko, that girl didn’t mention you at all, she was talkingabout Dia. Shut it, Zuramaru!  

You grin at the message,realizing that Aqours and your friends aren’t gone forever. They’re here, justwaiting for you to reach out to them.

-

When you see the picture onyour screen, you answer the call immediately, almost dropping your phone in theprocess.

“Hey, Mari! How are you doing?”you ask almost breathlessly into the phone. You get a laugh in reply, and itsounds just as you remembered it – like windchimes on a gentle day, soothingand joyful.

“Have you been running? Yousound out of breath,” she comments with a giggle. It feels so, so good to hearher voice again. You’re clutching desperately onto your phone in the middle ofthe street in Akihabara, and you’re sure you’re obstructing the path, but youcan’t find yourself to care at the moment. “Anyway, I’ve been good. Businessschool is a little hard, but I’m working through it. How are you?”

“Me? Oh! I’m good. I’m good.”You just want to sit down and listen to her talk for hours. After somegrumbling from other pedestrians, you decide to move to the side of the streetnext to the school idol shop.

“Saw your message from theother day. You got recognized as Aqours?”

You smile, hugging one arm aroundyour chest as you look at the ground. “Well, I don’t think she knew my name butshe definitely knew who I was. Though you know, I had class so I played itcool, said ‘yeah’ and walked away.”

And just like that, it feelslike nothing has ever changed. You’re back in high school, and Mari is makingher way to Tokyo from the train in Numazu. You’re seventeen again, and you’repreparing for one of your live shows in Tokyo. Chika is in the school idol shopfangirling over bootleg μ’s merchandise while Riko is buying yuri manga in theshop upstairs and You is buried waist-deep in uniforms. Kanan is off buyingfood to share with the rest of Aqours later on, and the first years aresomewhere on the streets with Yoshiko definitely making a fool out of herselfwhile Ruby and Hanamaru giggle in the corner. The conversation with Mari comeseasily, and you forget the distance between the both of you. Your heart isswelling and you haven’t felt filled to the brim in so long.

A sudden drop of water hitsyour forehead, and you look up to realize that the sky has darkened with stormclouds and the once crowded streets are thinning out. You hurry your way intothe school idol shop you haven’t been in since you made your second debut asAqours. The shop is practically empty and you browse the new merchandise whileyou talk to Mari on the phone, describing everything that you see. You don’tsee anything from Aqours here, and you’re not surprised nor saddened by thefact. School idol groups rise and fall quickly, and most of them hardly make alegacy like μ’s did.

“Oh, did you know Ruby,Yoshiko and Hanamaru started up an idol group?” you tell her while you’relooking at plush toys of the three of them. You begin to tell her all abouttheir group and the songs they sing, and how once, you had to play mediator fortheir lyric writing over a video chat since their styles were so different andcontrasting.

“You sound happy,” she sayswhen you finish.

You duck your head down,trying to a hide a smile even though the shop is empty except for a boredlooking worker on her phone at the checkout. “Yeah well… It’s good to hear yourvoice.”

“Don’t tell me you’redeveloping feelings for me, Dia!” Mari scolds lightheartedly, and you feel yourheart suddenly drop, your good mood dissipating with her words. Have you been readingeverything wrong the whole time? There’s something in her voice that’s off… Youput the plush Ruby you’ve been holding back in its place beside Yoshiko. Whenthe silence is a microsecond too long, Mari lets out an awkward laugh. “Sorry,guess it wasn’t that funny. But I just want to tell you… I’ve been seeingsomeone.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah… She’s, um, really cool.If we ever meet up some time soon, I’d love for you and Kanan to meet her.”

You don’t know what to say,but you’re smiling for some reason. It’s a painful smile, stretching thecorners of your lips so wide that it feels false. Something starts to build inyour throat and you don’t know why you’re forcing yourself to smile – nobodycan see you right now. You don’t have to physically fake feeling happy for Maribut you can’t stop yourself. “How long?”

“Huh?”

“How long have you beendating?” You hate how defensive you sound. You hate it so much. If you trulyloved Mari, shouldn’t you be happy for her? Why do you have to be so selfish?You’re clenching a fist against your sternum and pressing down in some attemptto alleviate the sharp pain.

“I… Just last month. But I’veknown her since I arrived in Venice. She was one of the first people who talkedto me in class.”

Your lungs are gasping forair. The words won’t come out.

“Dia?” Mari asks quietly overthe phone. You can’t breathe when she says your name so softly like that, eventhough you know her smiles and her touches are reserved for someone else.

“Something just came up. Ihave to go.” You end the call, slipping your phone back into your pocket andlowering your head. Talking to her has reopened all the wounds that time hasbeen healing and you find tears streaming down your face. You can’t stop them,no matter how hard you rub your face with the sleeves of your shirt. Quiet sobsturn into loud ones as you end up uncontrollably crying in front of the shelfthat holds illegal merchandise of your little sister’s idol group.

It hurts so bad, and you wishyou weren’t so selfish to want Mari all to yourself, even years after you’veparted. Every time the tears seem to be slowing, an image of Mari hand in handwith a gorgeous woman floods your mind. You were never good enough for her. Herfather had made his distaste of you clear back when you were children, andyou’ve been scared ever since even though your feelings have kept growing andgrowing in size and intensity until this very moment.

Someone is asking you ifyou’re okay – you think it’s the store clerk – and you end up running out ofthe store and into the storm. Raindrops stream down your face, mixing with thetears on your face as you run. You don’t know why you’re running, only that youneed to get out of there and go home. The streets are practically empty, a lonecar passing by and splashing your clothes with gutter water. Somewhere alongthe way, you trip and fall onto the ground, cement scratching into the palms ofyour hands. When you’re on the ground, rain pounding against your back, yourealize that you need to forget about her. You need to forget about everythingthat’s happened between the two of you in order to move on. Clearly Mari hadnever been interested in you and you’ve been chasing after nothing this wholetime. She never loved you.

After a few moments, you forceyourself to get up again and keep running, your heart chaining you down withevery step.

-

In your fourth year ofundergrad, you come across Kazuno Sarah in a café in Tokyo.

You had been studying for afinal, headphones plugged in to one of μ’s’ songs on your laptop and hummingalong quietly while students and office workers bustled by to get their morningcoffee. Someone had tapped you on the shoulder and when you looked up, it wasSarah. “Hello, Dia.”

“Sarah! I haven’t seen you in– wow! A long time,” you say, taking off your headphones. She looks exactly thesame as she did when you were both in third year, except she has her hair downthis time. She’s also gotten slightly taller, and has shed all the childishnessin her face, looking exactly like an elegant woman who has stepped out right ofa fashion magazine. In other words, you’re totally floored by how beautiful sheis. Well – she’s always been beautiful but you hadn’t noticed at the time. Youcan feel a blush coming to your cheeks and you try to think of something else.

She reaches a hand out and youshake it. It feels oddly formal and familiar at the same time.

“May I sit?” she asks, and yougesture for her to go ahead.

“So how have you been?” youask her. “What are you doing now?”

“Oh, nothing much. I’mcurrently a voice actor, but work has been work.” She shrugs, and then shelooks at you, head tilting and smiling slightly, intense eyes focused on you.You’ve never really been the attention of a beautiful girl’s gaze like this inthe past few years and it makes you blush. “How about you?”

“Well, I’m just studying atthe moment,” you say, remaining humble. “I’m going to finish my undergraduatedegree and then I’m going to study for law school. Maybe somewhere in America,”you add. God knows how prestigious those schools are, and it’ll look good whenyou come back to Japan after your studies.

“Aren’t you just theintelligent one,” Sarah says, smiling at you in a way that makes you feel likeyou’re something special. You can feel the flush on your cheeks already and youlook down at the scribbled mess of your notes. You’ve never dated in yourentire life, but you already know she’s flirting with you. You don’t know whyshe’s doing it, especially when she’s always had a stronger connection to Chikaback in high school, but you’re not protesting any time soon.

The both of you continuetalking for a while before it becomes apparent Sarah is interested in you. Shefinally breaks the question before you get tired of dancing around the question,“Do you want to go on a date with me?”

You want to say yes, but atthe same time, you’re curious why she’s asking you so suddenly and now of alltimes when you’ve only just met up since high school. Ruby and Leah arepractically inseparable at this point – Sarah could have asked them to relaythe message to you any time she had wanted to.

“Why?” you ask her.

She’s taken aback by yourstraightforwardness, blinking a few times. The people in the café mill aboutyou, going about their normal morning business without even taking a glance atthe both of you. “Well why not?” she finally answers, though her smile isunsure this time. You come to an understanding that she’s asking because sheknows you and wants to see if there might be anything between you two thatcould work out.

And you can just accept thisanswer and go on with the date, but something is digging in the back of yourhead. Something you can’t put a finger on quite yet. A feeling deep in yourheart that has never quite recovered. You try to imagine yourself going on adate but something about it feels deeply wrong, twisting in your stomach. Youshake your head. “I’m sorry, Sarah. I can’t,” you say, looking down at thetable. It’s not like you don’t want to try it out too, it’s just that you don’tthink you’re ready to be dating, even though you’re past twenty years old. Whenyou look up, she’s nodding in understanding.

“Don’t worry,” Sarah tellsyou, getting up from her seat. “It was a shot in the dark. But, text mesometime if you want to chat. Maybe I can hook you up with a voice acting jobif you ever have the desire to do it. Your singing is pretty good from what Iremember.” She winks.

“Oh no,” you say, waving yourhands out in front of you. “That stuff is long behind me.”

-

You and Sarah still keep intouch, but as nothing more than a casual acquaintance.

-

You’re back in Uchiura sevenyears since Aqours won the Love Live. You’ve just barely arrived at home when youreceive a phone call from Matsuura Kanan.

“Hello?” you begin hesitantly,unsure if you’ll still recognize your friend after so many years. You’ve beentalking online once in a while, catching up with each other’s lives, but you’rescared it might not be the same as it was before.

“Dia! I heard you were back intown. Want to come over to the diving shop?”

You agree, and when you showup, Kanan has a shiny new diving license to show you before she drags you outinto the sea to go diving, just like the old times. It’s like nothing haschanged since those days in high school.

Except the both of you knowyou’re missing one person.

You end up sitting together onthe edge of the boat in your wetsuits when the sun starts to set, casting anorange glow in the sea’s waves. It’s been a fun day, but there’s somethinglonely about looking out into the endless sea. You wrap your arms around yourlegs, bringing your chin to rest on top as you listen to the rhythmic sound ofwater crashing against the boat. A few birds soar up in the sky high above youand you watch them disappear into the horizon.

“What’s up?” Kanan asks you,sitting beside you casually, one leg hanging slightly off the top of the boat.

“Nothing,” you say.

“Oh, come on,” Kanan replies,punching you lightly on the shoulder. You don’t react. “Is this about…Mari?”

You feel like you haven’theard that name in years.

“I don’t know,” you admithonestly. “It’s been a long time since I thought about her, really.” And that’strue. You haven’t thought about her that much since the day she revealed thatshe was dating someone else. You had gotten irrationally emotional over it, butat the end of the day, the messages with Mari had eventually slowed to a stop.Something would have ended the relationship anyway even if that conversationover the phone hadn’t. “I haven’t spoken to her for years.”

“Hmm,” Kanan muses. She doesn’tsound surprised. “Why not?”

“We just grew apart,” you say.“Nothing much.”

“Well, I talked to her lastnight.”

You freeze for a second beforeyour body remembers that it’s not supposed to care anymore. “Oh, really?” youask, turning to look at Kanan, and you’re genuinely interested.

“Yeah, she’s pretty caught upwith her father’s company. They were starting a branch somewhere in Greece andthey wanted Mari to handle it.”

“Knowing Mari, she can dopractically anything,” you say with a laugh. It’s been years since you’ve saidthat name, and the way it rolls off your tongue feels wrong. Off. You thinkmaybe Kanan feels it too by the way she looks at you.

A silence falls between youand Kanan where you can only hear the sound of the crashing sea and theseagulls crying to each other far above. Finally, Kanan asks, “Dia, answer mehonestly this time. Do you still love her?”

If you were asked this yearsago, you might have reacted strongly to those words, like an unwantedconfession spoken out loud. But this time, you don’t feel much: just a twingein your heart at the words that disappears the moment it comes, like it’s beingswept away by the sea waves.

“I loved her, yes,” you begincarefully, releasing the words that have been pent up for so long. It doesn’tfeel like the release you had always thought it would feel like to speak thesewords, and you think, maybe this is because you’re no longer in love with her, thoughyou know she might have possibly been the only one you’ve ever loved. Fell inlove with. Sure, you’ve gone on dates with other women after the meeting withSarah years ago but nothing had felt right, and it was always hard to explainto your girlfriend at the moment exactly why you didn’t want to date anymore. Maybeit’s tragic that you’ve fallen out of love with Mari; You don’t know. Itdoesn’t hurt to think about her with someone else anymore. “At some pointthough, I realized she had moved on,” you retell, remembering that day in theschool idol shop. “And,” you say, shrugging and looking down at the orange-bluewaters, “I realized it was time for me to move on.”

“Then have you moved on, like youtold yourself to?”

You pause, wondering if youshould say it or not, but then decide that you have nothing left to loseanymore since it’s all over. “Kanan, I’ve loved her since we were kids anddidn’t know what the feelings meant.” Kanan is staring at you intently now, anexpression of understanding mixed with pity and sadness. “I was jealous of whatyou had with Mari.”

“Mari and I are just friends,”Kanan interjects.

“I know,” you say.

After that, both of you don’tsay anything. And when you start talking again, it’s about Kanan’s experiencein the Philippines or your current life in Britain as a law student. You’regraduating soon, and you think maybe you’ll be getting a job at a firm therefirst to establish yourself before coming back to Japan. You talk about yourfutures until the sun has set and Kanan has to steer the boat back to the shoreagain. On your way back, you look over at the other shore where the Awashimahotel is. Just in the distance, you think you can make out the shape of thehelicopter pad far away.

-

It’s raining again. Luckily,you have your umbrella with you as you make your way down to the office. Youhave some paperwork to fill out before you’re officially leaving the company.When you arrive, you find out that your coworkers have left a card at your deskwith heartfelt messages and you can’t help smiling and thanking them all forsuch kind wishes. A part of you is sad that you’re leaving, but you think maybethis will be for the better. You miss Japan a lot, and you already have ticketsfor a one-way flight tomorrow morning. If you had stayed any longer in London,you might have continued putting off your flight like you had been for the pastfew months. You had only managed to get tickets after Ruby and Leah had calledyou and begged you to book the latest flight, which was on sale.

You decide to sneak into thebreak room to grab a final jelly-filled doughnut before you leave to theairport in the afternoon. When you enter, a commercial is playing in thetelevision screen and you hear an all too familiar voice fill the room.

“And now the hotel is beingbuilt in places near you! Check in today to see our fabulous spas that comeswith a night booking!”

You’re staring at the screen,watching as a blonde girl with bright amber eyes and a cowgirl uniformintroduces the Awashima hotel. For a minute, you forget where you are. She hasalways had an affinity for cowgirl uniforms. You don’t know why you justremembered that.

“Oh, she’s so cute,” one ofyour coworkers say. “I always love these commercials.”

Instead of responding, youturn around leave, wondering why your heart is racing a mile a minute.

-

You arrive just in time to makeit to Ruby’s fashion show, watching as model after model strides the catwalkwith colourful, pastel and frilly outfits. As a recently graduated fashiondesigner, Ruby has had a lot of success, and you feel a swell of pride everytime you see a new model march out with one of her designs. You’re a little sadthat you weren’t here in Japan to support her from the very beginning butnonetheless, you’re glad you’re here now to support her.

At the end of the show, Rubygets dragged into interviews to talk about her choices, and you’re surprised tosee how natural and confident she is in front of the camera, turning up herfull charm as she smiles. Of course, she had grown leaps and bounds when shejoined Aqours a decade ago, but this…this is a whole new side of Ruby that hasmatured over the years. You had always been by her side since childhood untilyou graduated high school, and you begin to wonder how everyone else haschanged. You’ve lost connection with You and Riko, but Hanamaru, Yoshiko andKanan are usually within close proximity, and Chika always responds a few hourswithin receiving a message. And Mari… Well, it’s been a long time but you can’tforget that commercial on the television you saw before you left your previousworkplace. At least you know she’s still working for her father’s business.

When the interview is done andyou’re leaving with Ruby, you think you see a certain flash of blonde hair inthe crowd. But when you turn around to look, they’re already gone. Quashingyour disappointment, you and Ruby make your way out of the venue and begin toplan a trip back home to Uchiura.

-

It only takes two weeks beforeyou see her again.

It’s been ten years sinceyou’ve all parted ways, and eight years since you’ve last spoken to her and shelooks as beautiful as always. A little bit different and older and a littlemore tired, but still beautiful.

You had been about to go for amorning jog, having opened the door just when she was about to knock. You bothstare at each other for a while before bursting into laughter and it feelsgood. It feels really good. When you look at her, it doesn’t feel like you’vespent ten years apart on different parts of the world. Something in the back ofyour mind tells you that she was always here, right beside you whenever youneeded her. Two parts of a whole that had been separated, learned to livewithout each other, and then reunited again.

“I’m going for a run, want tojoin me?” you ask her.

“I’m good,” she says, in anaccented Japanese that shows she hasn’t been using the language for a long time.“But do you want to take a walk to the temple at the top of the mountain?”

“Sure,” you say and you bothhead out.

You begin by asking about eachother’s lives, catching up after eight years of silence. And it’s awkward atfirst, like it should be. But at the same time, it feels so right. Like a partof you has been missing and now you’ve found it again. It fits so perfectly inyour heart and you don’t even know why you had cut communications for eightyears.

It turns out that Mari is hereto visit old friends and you had just happened to be home just in time for herfirst visit.

When you reach the top, youfinally stop to get a good look at her. She’s dressed simply but eloquently: asoft white sundress and a white beach hat with a purple flower pinned to it. Youcan’t see from the hat but something tells you that she no longer wears herhair in a braid and a loop. Her hair is now perfectly straight instead of thenatural curly bounce she wore in high school, and it’s a little bit longer now,growing just before her elbows. Her face has grown into her age, and she’s lostsome of that mischievousness she’s always had as a teenager – her mouth softand stern instead of the curled half-grin like she was about to pull a prank.Still, you think, despite all of the changes, she’s still Mari. And you think she looks like a goddess.

You realize that she’s lookingat you and you blush, hoping she hadn’t seen the thoughts on your face. Yourlooks have also changed a bit, having cut your hair into a businesswoman’s neatlong bob that stops at the top of your shoulders. Your bangs are gone, havinggrown longer into your hair and swept to each side of your face. You’re stillshorter than Mari, though.

“So, how’s your girlfriend?”you ask, cutting to the chase.

“We broke up a long time ago,”Mari says without a beat. You barely have time to recover before she sayssomething else. “I realized I might have been using her as a replacement forsomeone else very dear to me.” She smiles almost pitifully, staring at thestone temple that you used to run by every morning when you trained for LoveLive as Aqours. That was so many years ago that it doesn’t even feel realanymore. You barely have a recollection of it.

“It’s good to know what youwant,” you offer her. She shakes her head, clenching her fists and refusing tolook at you. You get a feeling that she’s about to say something that you hadwanted to hear years ago, and you begin to feel a pressure in your chest youhaven’t felt since you watched Lost andDelirious back when you were working at the law firm.

“I made a mistake,” Mari endsup saying. “And…while I wouldn’t take back the last ten years, I wish thingswere different.”

Your throat is dry. Is thisreally it? Did it really take ten years to lead up to this one moment? “Mari…”Her name spills from your lips.

“Dia, I love you,” she says,looking at you so honestly, so openly, that you feel like your heart is aboutto explode. “I’m sorry I didn’t realize it before but… If you feel the same way…”

You don’t know what to say.

“I…”

Ten years. Ten years andyou’re standing speechless in front of her just like the day she left.

“Dia, it’s okay if you don’tfeel the same way,” Mari says, still looking at you, though the light in hereyes have dimmed, and you’re certain that her boldness is fleeing her spirit bythe second. “I just wanted you to know, if anything.” She turns awaycrestfallen with her shoulders hunched over, and she starts to head in thedirection of the stairs down the temple. No – No. This can’t be how it ends.This can’t be how it ends with the only girl you had ever truly loved.

“Mari, wait,” you say,reaching out and grabbing her arm. She stops but she doesn’t turn to look atyou. “Mari… I loved you too,” you tell her, forcing the words out even thoughthey protest being thrust in the open, “but that was a long time ago, andthings have changed. I’ve changed. I’m not the same Dia you know.” There’s apause, and you know that Mari has heard the past-tense in your confession.

“I know,” Mari says, her voicebetraying no emotion. You press on, wanting her to understand that while thingsare in past-tense, it doesn’t mean that it has to stay that way. You can’t havewaited for ten years in order to throw away your sole chance at redemption.

“No, what I’m saying is… Mari ifyou still love me after all these years, give me a chance.” A part of you feelsstupid, begging for a chance when you’re the one who’s fallen out of love. Butyou can’t let her go if you haven’t tried anything yet. You’ve been stubbornfor so long, and now an opportunity has appeared. You think about what Kanansaid three years ago, the last time you were in Uchiura: Then have you moved on, like you told yourself to?

You have moved on, but itdoesn’t explain the feeling stirring in your chest, the sudden buzz under yourskin as you look at the woman you’ve loved since you were both young children.

There’s a brief moment ofstillness before Mari turns to look at you. You can feel your heartbeatthumping dangerously. “A chance?” she asks, hesitantly. You nod, letting go ofher arm now that you know she won’t dash off without hearing you out.

“Give me a chance to fall inlove with you again,” you say in one breath.

Mari averts her eyes and youresist the urge to grab her again. It’s her choice in the end, you tellyourself. You had never wanted to make your love feel like a burden, which iswhy you never said anything when she left for Italy. You’re not going to makeher choices for her either this time, but you’re not going to shoot yourself inthe foot like you did when you were a teenager. “I don’t think that’s possible.If you don’t love me anymore, it may be best if we just stay as friends. Iguess I just missed out on all the good stuff.” She’s trying to joke, but youcan hear a crack in her voice when it hits too close to home for her, and youthink she’s trying not to cry.

“Just give me one chance,” youbeg her. “I’ll prove to you that I can.”

“And if you can’t?” Herquestion sounds like an ultimatum.

“Then we remain friends likewe always have been and nothing changes between us,” you confirm. After allthese years, you are given the chance that you’ve wanted all along. You can’tthrow it away like this. Not when a piece of you is yelling at you to pursuethis. Not when you’ve come so close after being unable to tell her your truefeelings ten years ago.

“I’m sorry I grew distantafter you told me about your girlfriend,” you admit when she doesn’t sayanything. You’re babbling now, but you can’t stop yourself. It’s like herconfession has lifted up a wall and now you can’t stop telling her abouteverything you’ve suppressed over the years. “I was being stupid. I was jealousand I thought that I didn’t stand a chance. I thought that you didn’t love me,and had never loved me and that I was just…pining after you hopelessly. I feltlost, Mari. I was hurting and I made some dumb decisions.” Your voice fallssoft. “I didn’t want to be in pain anymore.”

“Dia…,” she begins almost toherself. Then she closes her eyes and shakes her head like she’s trying to pushaway a thought. “I knew how you felt since we were in third year,” sheconfesses quietly. The knowledge should have shaken you, but it doesn’t, andyou think that maybe some part of you had suspicions all along but was tooafraid to talk to her about it. “But I was never sure if I was right and Ididn’t know if I felt the same way… Dia, I’m so sorry. If I were you, I wouldhave done the same. I never wanted to make you feel that way. I’m so sorry.”She wipes a hand over her eyes and tries to say something else but only a sobcomes out, which she quickly covers by putting her palm over her mouth. You canstill hear the sounds coming from her, and you want to reach out and hug her sobadly, but you know you have to talk through this.

You take a small step towardher and speak in a gentle tone. “It doesn’t matter anymore. If you weren’tready to make the decision then, it’s okay. I’m not angry at you. The choicewas always and still is yours to make.”

She removes the hand from hermouth and then speaks. “I… I practically rejected you. We haven’t seen eachother in ten years. You can’t change what has already happened.” Her voice isshaky.

“Then let’s start over,” youtell her. You need her to understand this – that the potential isn’t goneforever the minute one of you have begun to fall out a love. That you stillhave your entire lives in front of you and you still have a chance to redeemwhatever is between you and Mari. You remember something your mother told you along time ago, about how love is always an active process that two people arecommitted to and a part of, and you offer Mari her part in that process: “I’mKurosawa Dia. And you are?”

“I… Ohara Mari,” she says,almost a mumble. Her eyes are still looking at the ground, but you think, atleast she’s responding. She has to want the same thing as you do, to have gonethrough such a long tirade and still be here, standing in front of you under afoliage of leaves, in the place where you used to pass by on morning runs asteenagers back when you two were school idols.

“It’s nice to meet you. I’mjust wondering, would you be free for a date with me tomorrow night?”

She looks up to meet your eyesnow, her own eyes glazed over with tears. But now there’s a smile spreadingacross her face as she takes in the depth and truth of your words. Falling outof love had been a long and arduous process, but you know you have the capacityto love her again when you feel so complete with her. You reach a hand out withthe palm facing up, and after a moment of hesitation, Mari reaches out to graspyour hand. You smile at her, brilliant and wide, and your heart feels likebursting at her next words.

“I’d love to.”

[theareya]

do the even numbers for the vg ask binch

BINCH

Video Game Asks!

2. A game that has influenced you creatively? Writing, drawing, etc.answered!

4. Who do you play with now?Who? Like my friends? Mostly the same people I played with when I was a kid, but now they’ve grown up into ripe gaming fruits. And some new friends who I met through love of video games  *stares directly into camera*

6. Ever buy strategy guides?No. I’d rather spend money on the game itself. I see the pretty art books often and wonder though…

8. Rarest/Most expensive game in your collection?uH. What? Rarest? I don’t have any of those classic games that are worth a fortune now. Most expensive was probably the Dishonored 2 bundle that I bought because I wanted Corvo’s mask super bad

10. Ever go to a midnight game release or stand in line for hours?

I have not! I usually pre-order using the internet and try to distract myself until I can feel the game with my fingers

12. Ever get picked on for liking games?Wheeeen I was younger, yes. I stopped playing for a little while, even though I was not any good at the time anyway. I didn’t pick it back up again until the middle of high school when I stopped caring.

14. Favorite game music?I… really like the Journey and Undertale Soundtrack. However, Kingdom Hearts and Nier: a tomato have been my… main music go-tos .In fact, I’m listening to the Nier ost right now.

16. Favorite game to play with your friends IRL?Answered!

18. Would you date someone that hates gaming?No. Bitch. Worst-case scenario they “tolerate” it. Just kidding, NO that’s impossible. Worst case is they’re indifferent. And in that case, they’d have to be pretty darn spectacular. Like they own Disneyland spectacular. Trust me. 

20. Game that you know like the back of your hand?BIOSHOCK. I can tell you where every audio diary is. And every ridiculous jump scare. I also could say the same about Nier, but that’s a little too recent, so the obsession is still fresh.

22. Do you wear game related clothing/accessories?I have a Fallout t-shirt, Kingdom Hearts Sweater, some lovely Nier pins, and a 2B phone charm accessory. I love game merch, I just am a bit picky on which ones I wear.

24. First Pokemon game?It was actually Yellow. I never got Red and/or Blue.

26. Ever form any gaming rivalries?I don’t like those, but literally Pokemon Go sets them up by making you pick teams and publicly fight the other teams down.

28. Ever play in a tournament?nOpe I’m not that good. I watch a lot of tournaments though.

30. How many consoles do you own?Uhh, since forever? I would say 8. However, the only active ones right now are my ps4 and Switch. Everything else is stored away in the closet or was given away.

32. Did you ever play a game based on your favorite show/cartoon/movie/comic?Not. Really. No. I don’t really love those. One time I got Narnia as a gift and cried at how bad it was. And then there was Shrek Party?? Which was a depressing version of Mario party, but with Shrek characters. I liked it… actually. If it were done well, maybe?  

34. Do either of your parents play video games?My mother plays pokemon go and is level 40, which is higher than me. And it’s kind of made her more open to the idea of playing video games. But my mom knows the basics of certain video games enough to not get mad at me when I tell her I can’t pause. 

36. Have you ever shed actual blood, sweat or tears over a game?I have cried over a few video games. Not full on crying, but my eyes will water and that’s pretty wild. Sweat is all over my controllers. I clutch them so hard. I was also very emotionally compromised over The Last of Us, but it was mostly internal.

oHH! One time I was playing Battleborn and got a nosebleed, but I’m pretty sure that was on account of the weather and not the game. 

38. A game you’re ashamed to admit that you like?I have no shame at all whatsoever in any game that I like. I guess Fable, 2 and 3 were absolutely awful according to everyone, but I thought they were alright, mostly because it made me think of the first game.

40. What to you think of virtual reality headsets or motion controls?I think they’re fun! But am sad that they probably won’t be able to reach their full potential in my house.

42. Maybe it wasn’t your first game, but what was the game that started you on your path to nerdiness?…Bioshock tbh. That was the first game I legitimately played after stopping gaming for an awfully long time. The one that started it all. Kingdom Hearts and Bioshock. Two completely different games. 

44. Arcade machine that has consumed the most of your quarters?I never really played arcade games? Soul Calibur? DDR??

46. Do you like relaxing games like Animal Crossing or Harvest Moon?YES THOSE ARE LIKE MY FAVORITE TYPES OF GAMES!!??!? I can seduce Harvest Moon characters all the ding dang day. And I can fish for hours. Fishing mechanics are vital in every game. 

48. How long does it take your to customize your player character?84 years. In all honestly, it can take anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour depending on the options that are available. Dragon Age took so… so long. Basically any game with the objective of making your character look cooler is… dEATH

50. If you were a game designer, what masterpiece would you create?Answered!

52. A game that you begged your parents for as a kid?Pokemon Y

54. Do you give in to Steam sales?I use my friend’s steam and he has like 2000 dollars worth of games, so I’d say he definitely does.

56. Did you ever play Roller Coaster Tycoon and kill off your guests?I never played that game, but I remember quality video compilations of that.

58. If you can only play 3 games for the rest of your life, which ones do you pick?Answered!

60. Do you know the Konami Code?It’s like a bunch of directional buttons, but idk which ones.

62. Ever buy a console specifically to play one game?I bought a gosh darn PS3 like 10 years ago because I thought KH3 was going to come out for that. Now here with are the PS4 pro and KH3 will be out in a year.

64. Ever make a TV or monitor purchase based on what would be best for gaming?I have! Or I mean it was a family TV anyways, but I sneakily snuck in a question or two about gaming quality and the guy hooked me up.

66. Did you ever have have an old Nokia with Snake on it?No. I didn’t have a legit cellphone until after high school.

68. Ever save up a ton of tickets in an arcade to get something cool?LOL no I’m so bad at those, I spend all my tickets immediately on the dumbest thing I can find like those finger traps.

70. Very first game you ever beat? I want to say Fable. As a kid I didn’t know what a memory card was and sort of assumed you had to start over every single time.

[shineescenarios]

thank you my angel

After 6 days I’m finally able to think rationally and I’m very thankful for my religion, my friends and the amazing people surrounding me for helping me healing. I still tear up, I still lose focus and start dreaming and ask multiple ‘what if’ questions, since my angels death and this will last a bit longer because it’s been barely a week since my moon left for the sky but I will get there. We all will. I’ve never experienced this kind of loss. Never did I imagine that a human can feel this kind of pain and I’d never thought that I would lose track of time. Though it’s been only days, I feel like I’m breathless for months. Kim Jonghyun, was my saviour. He was my moon in the darkness, my confidence among strangers and my breath during panicattacks. He saved me from suicide. He saved me from many many monsters and taught me how to smile when I thought I lost that smile forever. Jonghyun, was my soulmate. We shared the same love for the moon, for poetry and for peace. We both wanted to be happy and wanted everyone around us to be happy. We both loved people and the dim lights and inspiration. I felt every word he said and dreamed of meeting him in the near future. Jonghyun was my biggest dream and all the reality I wanted. When he left, I died for the first time. I honestly don’t know how to explain it because I’ve never experienced this. I am good with words but for the first time I am speechless. I’ve been crying myself to sleep for the past days, didn’t eat nor drink. I was suddenly an empty shell. I woke up with the worst headache, skipped breakfast and went to the gym and came back and slept and skipped dinner and cried myself to sleep. I’ve never experienced such tailspin over my body. In my head I kept repeating either my best friend crying on the phone, or how I was reading it online. I kept playing a scenario of how I would save him. Of how I would drag him out of that apartment and helped him breathe again just like how he helped me the past 7 years. I kept on playing scenarios in my head, unhealthily imagining that he was still alive but he isnt. I want to tell you what this man gave to me: Through him I literally met one of my best friends now. He gave me new air to breathe Courage Peace A song about my soul (skeleton flower) He gave me a smile and many, many more friends. He taught me selflove and empathy and passion He taught me poetry and romance He gave me my future and my goals Kim Jonghyun was a true angel and I thank god for giving him to me. Now, today is the 6th day and I can smile thinking of him. I don’t know if it’s because of brutally going through all the farewells and videos and notes just to get used to it as fast as possible or if it is because of my understanding for him, for death and for my acceptance of the unchangeable. I still tear up, yes but.. talking about him soothes me at the same time. You know what happened when Jjong left? Multiple people wrote me on every social media you can think of, on every site and page, calling me, checking up on me. People like my closest friends but also friends I barely talk to. Strangers, shawols and non-shawols. People who hurt me and whom I was angry with- everyone wrote me. When my best friend and I were crying we weren’t alone, of course we had each other but we had so many people around us, caring for us. My friends barely left me alone during this time. One called me over to her house the moment we found out, only to let me cry as much as I wanted to (since my parents weren’t understanding), whilest another friend picked me up in the evening just to drive me around. I cried and screamed and she just was there.. with me. Another friend helped me fall asleep, since I didn’t want to be alone with my thoughts at night, so she would legit pick up the phone at 3am only to help me breathe again until I fell asleep. When Jjong died, I received love. So much love that I felt full. The past weeks I’ve been avoiding people and was going back into my shell but the moment the incident happened, I didn’t want this anymore. Jonghyuns death suddenly gave me courage and a vision. Even when he was leaving us physically, he gave us more than we could handle. Suddenly, I wanna live better, happier, brighter. I’ve never felt this strange energy and impatience to live every day. Jonghyun gave me new goals and new hopes. Again. I don’t know what you think, but this man was a living angel. He never left me alone since the 18th of december. Not once. And I won’t leave him nor any of the members alone. I was full of dislike and grudge against people, idols and strangers but all those emotions suddenly vanished. I don’t wanna waste my energy on thinking negatively on people but give all my positivity for people who might need it. I wanna love as hard as Jonghyun. Seeing now, all the things he achieved -and I don’t mean the trophys and awards and shit- I mean all the love he spread, the lives he saved and the voices he shared, it makes me giddy to make him proud. Watching shawols buying stars, help donating money, spreading awareness of mental health issues and spreading love like our leader Jonghyun, makes me feel a certain type of happiness Ive never felt before. Jonghyun, SHINee, is not only a kpop group. Those people were and are saviours, heros, leaders. They are our strength and our role models and they taught us well. I’ve never seen a group of people being this strong after such a great loss and yet, I feel like shawols are consoling others more than they are consoling themselves because we accepted Jonghyuns decision but we won’t support the fault of our society and the great problems it has. We wanna help keeping people alive and if that’s not a wonderful family SHINee has built, than what is? Jonghyun-ah, are you proud of us? Are you smiling down at us? Are we making you happy? Shawols and SHINee will always be together and we will never, EVER, forget you, my angel. We promise you. We will soon heal and we will soon stop crying, I promise you this. Jonghyun, you worked hard.. you did so well. And though you passed away, you still manage to teach us love and passion. Rest in Peace Jonghyun. I love you my moon